“Tough Love” Dating Tips for Single Latter-day Saint Girls

Modern dating for Gen Z (and especially Gen Alpha!) is possibly harder and crazier than ever before.

If you are…

• Wondering why you don’t get asked out more often
• Stuck texting or hanging out with guys that never make a move or DTR
• Wondering why you only get attention from weirdos…

This is the advice I would give you if I weren’t afraid of hurting your feelings.

Many of these are inspired by this conversation I had on an episode with Bethie Beck. If you’d rather, you can watch or listen here:

1. Pray about dating

I mean it! Pray about everything in your dating life. It might feel awkward if you aren’t used to it, but I PROMISE you, from experience that God sees this part of your life, He wants to bless you in it, and He knows how to do it. All you have to do is ask!

Consider praying for your heart to be open to dating, or for you to know what the next right step is in dating, or where to meet people, or what you need to do to become more dateable, or if moving forward in a relationship is the right thing!

2. Know your current purpose in dating

Is it to get to know a lot of people? To have fun? To get married in the temple? Be clear in your dating profiles (if you use them) and with the people you go on dates with. (Bonus: Pray and study in the scriptures to find what God says your current purpose should be! The answer might surprise you.

3. No NCMOs (non-committal makeouts)

And while I’m at it, honestly, no MOs! Even if you feel totally in control and it doesn’t lead to s*x… That’s not the only risk, people!

This is a spiritual matter, and it’s a biological matter. We weren’t created to kiss around and then leave each other, and it’s going to mess with you! (Listen to my episode with Bethie Beck for a further breakdown on this.)

4. Forget the world’s idea of romance

Romance novels and movies may be fun, but almost none of them are realistic.

They may not be doing you any favors in interacting with guys in real life, and they might be setting yourself up for bad or unhealthy relationships. Even worse; dark romance and/or “spice” (this is pornography, girls) can change how you see sexuality and yourself and become an even bigger issue for your spirit or even your future marriage. Guard your heart, starting with your media!

5. Focus on dating as a choice

Just because “you’re the flower and he’s the bee” doesn’t mean you should just let dating happen or not happen to you.

What does this look like? If you’re not getting asked out (or you’re only getting attention from the wrong guys), put yourself out there to meet new people in different places. If you find yourself falling into a situationship without any clear direction, make a decision if you will leave or stay and talk about it head on. You’re not just wasting time; you’re also putting your heart in a risky situation.

6. Find peace outside of a relationship

While marriage is a beautiful and important gift, you don’t need to wait for a husband to be happy. You can create a meaningful life today by growing your relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, by serving others, and by repenting and following the Lord each day. You can pray each night, give an accounting of your day, asking for repentance and guidance for the next day, and rest in the deep peace of the Lord knowing you’ve done your part, and it is enough.

7. Seek to create a relationship; don’t just seek perfection

Forget “finance, trust fund, 6’5”, blue eyes.” (Or whatever your list is.) Nobody is going to hit all of the things you’re looking for, and literally nobody is perfect.

Marriage is about creating a relationship where you both learn, you both give, and you both receive. Part of dating is discovering if you can both work together, rely on God, and be humble.

8. Engage in real life

Look up from your phone!

You never know who you might meet if you take the time to connect with the people around you. Even if you meet on an app, don’t waste your time messaging 30 guys at once and never meeting any of them. Make it clear you’d like to go on an actual date (or at least talk on the phone or meet up), and once the date happens, be present!

9. Become the person your ideal husband would want to marry

The Lord asks us to be prepared to meet Him whenever He returns. We don’t know when that will be, so the best choice is to not wait to get things in order. A similar principle applies with your future spouse! When he finally comes along, you want to be ready! In that moment, you want to be living a life so full of light and goodness, and becoming a person so full of light and goodness, that your future spouse would won’t want to let you get away!

Don’t wait to fully commit to God; make the choice now to serve Him in every way you can. Make sure you have an active temple recommend now, then attending the temple as often as you can now. Spend time in the scriptures and get to know the word of the Lord now. Work on becoming a Christlike person now. You won’t magically create good habits after you marry the perfect guy, and you won’t attract a guy who’s looking for eternal marriage if you aren’t living like that’s your priority.

10. See people as God sees them

Pray for God to help you see people as He does: as His children, with infinite potential.

This applies to the men you meet and date. Especially in the online world, it may be easy to disregard guys as not worth the time. Strive to always treat them with grace, seeing their potential.

This also applies to yourself. See yourself as God sees you. Remember your own great worth. Don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t treat you like a daughter of God, a future queen. You are worth being fully known and loved by a future husband, Heavenly Parents, and a Savior.