Birth Series (1) – A Hospital Experience

An introduction and a disclosure

I request that you only read this story in tandem with part 2, the story of my second baby’s birth. Even though everyone was basically physically safe, this first birth was a very traumatic, negative experience for me—but if you stick with me through my second birth story, you’ll get to the happy ending.

If you’re not going to read both, please just read part 2. Or, if you’re a Sparknotes kind of person, just check out my at-a-glance analysis of the 2 experiences.

As always, I try to write tasteful content, but I also strive for honesty, so prepare for a little TMI. I assume that you’re here, nosing into my blog, so you’re here for it: the good, the bad, and the personal. 😉

“We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.”

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

It took me a long time to get to the point where I could process this story enough to share it. I thank the Lord for giving me the strength and faith to have another child and to seek a different path. I testify that He was with me, every step of the way.

I hope my story is enlightening and even encouraging to you, in the end. I believe in the strength and blessing of motherhood. Women, babies, birth—it’s all part of God’s divine design.

Baby #1 birth – the normal route

I dreaded the birth experience, expecting the worst pain of my life. Childbirth was about my biggest fear since I was a child.

Add to that fear the fact that I had 9 months of a very challenging pregnancy, including severe morning sickness, it’s no wonder all I could think about was getting it over with.

I actively refused to learn more because it was so frightening and anxious a topic for me—so I know it’s my fault I walked into the situation blind.

8+ months pregnant with #1

A blind beginning

“Well, you look good. Your baby is measuring a good size, and your cervix looks like it’s starting to get ready. Do you want me to strip your membranes?”

I only felt like I vaguely understood what it meant, but both my mom and my doctor had encouraged me to go through with it. After my doctor reassured me that there were no real risks to the procedure, I let her go ahead. It was uncomfortable but not really painful, and it was fast.

As I left, my doctor said, “Tell your baby to come today or tomorrow! I go out of town this weekend. You’ll be fine either way, but keep telling your baby it’s time.”

That evening, I started experiencing spotting and contractions. They got closer and closer, about 3-4 minutes apart for an hour. I called the hospital, and they told me to come in. I was admitted to the hospital, but the labor slowed and I was sent away to labor at home.

To my bewilderment, my labor slowed then stopped the next day.

Take two: “real” labor

It returned again one day later. Once again, I got to 3-4 minutes apart for 1-2 hours at home then returned to the hospital. After a couple hours at the hospital, my labor again began to slow down. To my relief, a sympathetic nurse gave me the option to have pitocin or to go home again. I chose pitocin. I had already decided on an epidural, and I received one about 8 hours into my labor. 

The placement of the epidural was very painful and took several minutes and a few tries to get right.

Analysis from the future: For where I was at emotionally and mentally at the time, the epidural was absolutely the right choice. I was anxious out of my mind, and it wasn’t until I got the epidural that my labor really started to seriously get underway. I was able to relax my muscles and allow my body to do its job.

It was about this time I was getting desperately hungry. The most substantial food I was allowed was some beef broth, which I drank gratefully. I also wanted to be able to move around, but I didn’t worry too much about it because I was just relieved to not feel any more pain.

For about a couple hours of labor, I was able to doze and get some rest. I started to feel the pain, and I turned up the dose a couple of times on the epidural to keep up.

I could feel my body and mind getting tired. But pretty suddenly, I started feeling the urge to push. I knew our baby was coming.

I informed the nurses I was starting to push. They immediately told me to stop. They said I couldn’t have the baby right now because the doctor on call wasn’t there yet.

This was the only point in my birth at which I feel like I stuck up for myself. I told them I was absolutely not waiting.

Apparently, I convinced them to help me. My husband helped a nurse put my feet in the stirrups and held my hand. The nurse coached me through pushing through my contractions. (This strategy is what I now know is called “purple pushing.”) She at first tried to allow me only one big breath of pushing per contraction, but I insisted that was not sufficient and I went for two or three.

It seemed like 5, but my husband said I pushed for about 45 minutes total.

Time was really confusing for this part, but I think it was about a half hour later when the doctor arrived. (It wasn’t my doctor; it was the doctor on call, whom I had never before met.) It seemed he arrived only in time to tell me, “oh, her head is a little stuck. I’m going to just make a small incision, alright?” I think I said something like, “Whatever.” I didn’t feel a thing.

She was born almost right away.

Baby #1, day 1

She’s here?

They gave her to me to hold her skin to skin for a few moments. I think I was in shock when she was placed on my chest. I remember thinking, That was it? This is my baby? Huh, she is actually cute. And what a head of hair! I felt happy to meet her.

It was during this time that the doctor stitched me up before leaving. I was still numb, in shock, and hardly noticed. He left, and I never saw him again. I still don’t know how many stitches I had, how long the episiotomy was, or how much natural tearing I had.

We attempted breastfeeding for a minute, but she was too sleepy. The staff said we could try again in the recovery room, then they took her to the other side of the room to clean her and do tests.

We were only allowed in the delivery room for one hour after the birth; then, my incredibly weak body was lifted into a wheelchair, pushed into an elevator, and moved to another floor and into a recovery room.

That marks the end of the more positive part of my experience.

An annoyingly vague aside

It was there that an incident occurred that was not truly the fault of the hospital’s. I consider it inappropriate to share openly. I bring it up to explain a gap in the story and to share what I wish I’d known before. I learned many things from that day that I deeply regret not understanding before. I should have advocated for myself, set boundaries, worked with my husband to express my wishes for myself and my baby, and created a plan of what I wanted.

You can bring a baby to milk, but you can’t make her drink

As it was a holiday weekend, it seemed a new nurse walked into the room every hour during my time in the recovery room.

And the next thing I knew, a new nurse walked into the room and asked if the baby had eaten. I said no; she had just been sleeping. I had had no idea when she needed to eat and had assumed somebody else would tell me. (I know, bad move.)

The nurse immediately said with alarm, “She was born four hours ago and hasn’t eaten? She has to eat now.”

I tried again for a few minutes to get my baby to perk up and try to breastfeed (and try to figure out how I would help her breastfeed anyway even if she did wake up) but she hardly stirred. The nurse snapped into action and whipped out a bottle of formula. My husband fed our baby her first meal. I watched in confusion. I tried not to cry, and I told myself there was no reason to cry.

I had felt stunned and elated when my baby was placed on my chest for the first time. But the rest of that day (and truly, several days and weeks), I felt stunned in another way. I felt out of control of my life. I felt like things were happening to me and to my baby, and I had no way to control any of it. I felt steamrolled and confused. I was exhausted and dazed from the work and sleep deprivation.

“All the nurses were trained in lactation,” they told me, and I kept trying to get them to help me nurse my baby. The nurses helped me pump for the first time. I didn’t see anything come out. I was confused about if I was using it right, and it hurt, and I felt humiliated. Finally, over a day after the birth, a hospital-staffed, actual lactation specialist came to my room and helped me use a nipple shield, a syringe, a tube, and formula to supposedly help my baby learn how to nurse. It was a confusing, challenging time. I felt wrong, uncomfortable, frustrated, and ashamed for using this bizarre method.

Thankfully, a few days later, I was miraculously connected with a recently retired lactation specialist from another state who taught me how to train my baby and my body to nurse properly. It was a frustrating and painful process. Even though my baby was good at latching, she frequently got upset about the work involved and would unlatch every moment or two to thrash, scream, and scratch at me.

It wasn’t until about 2 months along that we were both somewhat comfortable with breastfeeding. Except in a very removed, abstract way, I neither related nor understood the starry-eyes expressions of gratitude for the sweet, bonding experience of nursing a baby. It took many months to get over the bitterness of hearing other moms express that breastfeeding was “so easy.”

After all this, however, I give thanks and honor to God for strengthening me and guiding me to receive the help I needed to exclusively breastfeed until my baby was 9 months old.

Baby #1 around 10 months

Pain of the brain and body

Then comes the discussion of the postpartum pain. While in the hospital, I felt some pain but mostly a lot of shock, tenderness, and fatigue. I remember a nurse refusing to help me get to the bathroom, acting a little disgusted. “We helped you the first time; the second time, you should be able to do it yourself.” I shook and trembled the whole time. I stayed on the prescription pain medication as well as ibuprofen my whole 2 days postpartum. I struggled to find any position that wasn’t painful in the hospital bed. Getting in and out was very painful.

When I got home, I didn’t feel much increased physical pain for the first couple hours. However, a few hours later, the pain hit me like a truck. I began to cry in pain. I couldn’t find a comfortable position. Sitting up was painful. Nursing was torture, between the vaginal pain, sore nipples, and scratches from my baby. Getting in and out of bed, especially alone, was very painful. Even lying down, I couldn’t get the pain to subside.

Right after taking Ibuprofen or Tylenol, it was somewhat manageable, but every time it began to wear off and before I could take the other, I began to cry. The next morning after leaving the hospital, I called to see if I could get a pain medication prescribed, but they told me I would need to physically come to receive the prescription. I laughed through the tears. I couldn’t get to or sit in a car! So I just cried through it.

The emotional roller coaster shook me. I now realize I wasn’t just experiencing dramatic hormonal changes and sleep deprivation; the shock and adrenaline were also wearing off. I cried so much those first few days, and even weeks. Almost every time my husband left the apartment or even the room I got weepy. I cried daily as I nursed. I cried from being so tired. I let myself wallow in the self-pity of not only being confined to our apartment for the majority of my pregnancy but for the many weeks that seemed to stretch on and on.

To my memory, I bled quite heavily for about 2 weeks; I continued to need pads for about a month; then I needed pantiliners until about exactly 2 months postpartum. This is less than medically alarming, but certainly well above average bleeding.

Not postpartum ?

I had my 6 week postpartum checkup. Y’know, every husband’s favorite OB-GYN appointment. I was cleared to go back to normal, physically. (This surprised me, since I still felt so far from physically well.)

My doctor brushed away my complaints about my back. I continued to feel pain from the epidural insertion point for about 6 months after birth.

She was, however, concerned about my psychological assessment scores. She recommended I get into a psychologist and connected me with some referrals. I called them and was dismayed to discover they were all booked out for at least 3 months. 3 months?! We were planning on having moved far away by that point. I didn’t meet with anyone.

I tried to get better on my own, physically and otherwise. I worked out. I did yoga. I finally got enough sleep. Eventually, months later, I was a lot better.

Physically, I was probably better than ever. (Well, besides losing most of my hair. I dropped to probably about half as much hair as I had had pre-pregnancy.) I was stronger and more flexible than before. I even fit back into my high school pants.

Emotionally, I was better. I focused on the natural things that improve mental/emotional health: got sunlight, ate healthy foods, exercised, slept enough, drank plenty of water.

I carried a lot of pain, though. I could hardly think about my sweet baby’s birth without risking tears. I was angry with everyone involved—including myself. I did my best to box the experience away and move on. I told myself I would simply never have another baby.

Cue this blog post: The Right Time to Have Another Kid + Why I’m Pregnant Again.

An awkward not-end

Usually, I wrap up each post with an invite to share, but I really don’t want anyone to stop here. It would be a pretty depressing ending. Thank God that it’s not the end.

Please follow me to the resolution here: Birth Series: Birth #2

Lessons learned + at-a-glance comparison

For my very short notes analysis of the two experiences side-by-side, check out the final article in my (embarrassingly lengthy) series:

“Birth Series (3) – Comparing a Medical vs. a Natural Birth”

Birth Series (A) – Childbirth Research Reviews

For my second birth, I did a lot of research. I took two formal classes. I went to the library and checked out every book I could find on natural childbirth. I bought a few other books. I watched YouTube videos, read articles online, and did a lot of praying.

I didn’t know exactly what I was looking for, but I knew I wanted something different than my first birth and postpartum experience. And I got it.

My second birth was a beautiful, empowering experience that I look back on happily and proudly. It was a positive start to my relationship with my baby, and it brought my husband and me together, too.

Now I can say I’ve been the mainstream hospital/pitocin/epidural route, and I’ve done the midwife/doula/water birth route. I’m ready to share my reviews of some of the key resources I used in taking this challenging journey.

If you’re curious about the natural birth world, this is a great place to start. I’ll go through my review of the natural birth community, classes, books, and more.

The Natural Birth Community as a Whole

Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

I met with midwives, doulas, birth instructors, and even a couple chiropractors and a massage therapist who all made a career of supporting pregnant women. Overall, I was very impressed with the natural birth community.

Pros

It impressed me just how committed they are to the cause. They really believe in it. They also really believe in empowering women. (Most of them are women.) I feel like the natural birth community is the underground feminist movement. And most of these women were extremely well-educated; although most of them need less formal education to perform their jobs than a labor-and-delivery hospital staff might, they hadn’t stopped at the required level of education. They truly wanted to do all they could to be the best support they could be, and to provide the highest-quality care possible.

Cons

Much, but not all, of the community is a little short on data and good statistical analysis. It’s a shame, because there is a good amount of data that indicates the safety and, in many cases, superiority of a more natural approach to childbirth. Insurance is much less friendly to natural childbirth. Of course, there are women and pregnancies that require a more medical approach to childbirth, so it can’t be for everyone.

Who it’s for

If you’re pregnant, might be someday, or are married to someone who is pregnant or might be someday, meeting and learning about the natural birth community is for you.

Doulas

Rating: 5 out of 5.

If I had had a doula for my first birth, I think it would have been instantly a drastically better situation. I didn’t know how to stand up for myself or that I would really need to. My doula for my second birth was fantastic. She helped me walk through pregnancy challenges, prepare for birth, embrace the experience with confidence and proper tools, and recover smoothly after birth.

Pros

Doulas are awesome. They are wonderful advocates to have in the room during your birth—a time when your attention is usually pretty absorbed. They can help your partner stand up for you and your goals. They can help with pain relief strategies, remember to move, remember to eat, and just helping you feel confident and supported. Depending on the package you pay for, they can support you through pregnancy and a few weeks postpartum by helping you make a birth plan, pointing you to ideas to relieve pregnancy symptoms, and/or even helping you with the dishes.

Cons

They can be pretty expensive and often not covered by insurance. It may also take some work to find a good fit for you.

Who they’re for

If you’re pregnant, and especially if it’s your first baby, and especially if you can find a good match, a doula is for you (regardless of your birth goals).

Childbirth classes:

Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

My midwife requires all her clients to take a birth class. My mom, who used to be a labor and delivery nurse, said that of the women she saw who came in wanting a natural birth, only those who had taken a class were usually successful.

Pros

In my opinion, taking a birth class with your husband/birth partner is key to both an anxiety-free pregnancy and a smooth birth experience. A birth class helps you work together to practice relaxation techniques and create a written birth plan. (A plan can be helpful to give to your birth team, but perhaps even more importantly it helps you and your partner get on the same page about what to do in many situations.) I definitely would recommend getting into a physical, in-person class if possible, but virtual classes can still be very good.

Cons

They can be costly and hard to fit into your schedule. It can also be hard to find a class with a birth technique you can believe in enough to really try, not to mention an instructor you love. Beware of emotional appeals and sweeping claims; natural birth instructors may care more about anecdotes and theories than about statistics—even though many statistics do back up many of those claims. It will take a little extra skepticism and work to seek evidence of such claims.

Who it’s for

If you think you might want to have a natural birth, and especially if you have a partner who will attend with you and be at the birth, a birth class is for you.

The Mighty Mama Movement Birth Class

Rating: 2 out of 5.

I would rate this as just okay. The actual content of the course was generally good, and it was enough to get me started. It was one of the first things I explored as I began researching natural birth, and clearly it encouraged me to keep learning.

Pros

It’s an accessible, at home, on-demand video course with supplements. It is a fairly comprehensive course, including some postnatal units. It’s a spinoff of hypnobirthing and comes with a few free tracks. You also get an invite into their Facebook group, Mighty Mama Movement (even though I found out you can still join without purchasing the class).

Cons

The cost was similar to other birth classes, but I definitely rate this as a lower quality course. For one, the production quality was quite low (but I know they were beginning the process of improving it). There was very little data or statistics used throughout the course. I was unimpressed with the ethics of their business model when I discovered that their “live” webinars were not just heavy-handed advertisements (which is normal for webinars) but also pre-recorded; even the chats were fake.

Who it’s for

If you want to learn about natural childbirth from on-demand videos and don’t care as much about perfect quality, this class may be for you.

Local Zoom Hypnobirthing Class (Mongan Method):

Rating: 3 out of 5.

My husband and I took a Hypnobirthing class over Zoom. It was 6 weeks long, about 3 hours each Saturday morning. It was good, but I wouldn’t say it was an incredible experience. It also wasn’t my first choice; I had really wanted to take a Hypnobabies class. I had found a great teacher and had registered for her class, but it was canceled at the last minute due to low enrollment. The Hypnobirthing class was my fallback; I barely finished it in time for baby to be born.

Pros

A Zoom birth class was really good for us. Since we had a toddler underfoot, it would have been very hard to have attended an in-person class for us; however, it would have been nice to have had an in-person class, if COVID and family situations had permitted. The content of the class was good. Most of the content was covered in the text (Hypnobirthing: The Mongan Method, reviewed below). I liked the intimate class size and that we got to go through the class, experience pregnancy, and prepare for birth together. We got some new relaxation scripts and tracks to use, which were very helpful, and got to use some class time to practice together. It was good to have the class to motivate my husband and I to do the daily relaxation practices, which were key to the success of our class and birth experience.

Cons

Take this all with a grain of salt; many of my cons are specific to me. Because I had done so much reading already, most of the class time was information I had already learned a few times over. In other words, I was bored out of my mind. The teacher was not a great match for me; I think I would have gotten a lot more out of the class if I had had a teacher who was a little more my style. (She was fine, but a little on the… extra side.) I also just didn’t totally love the text for the class.

Who it’s for

If you’re interested in learning about a childbirth method that aims to nearly eradicate pain and are willing to put in the time to practice daily and do some extra research, this class may be for you.

Books

I won’t bother to review books generally. Duh, I endorse reading. These are the books I read all or most of and would recommend:

The Gift of Giving Life: Rediscovering the Divine Nature of Pregnancy and Birth

Rating: 5 out of 5.

I think every woman (and maybe every member) in the Church should read this book. It is a book about pregnancy and birth from the medical, historical, and personal perspectives of women of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It brought the Spirit into my heart as I planned and prepared for this birth. It helped me feel peace and even some excitement about giving birth. I felt connected with the many mothers in my ancestry, as well as with early mothers in the Church. I felt that I better understood my Savior, my Heavenly Parents, and myself because of this book.

Pros

This book clearly embraces the divinity of each mother’s pregnancy and birth journey, from miscarriages to healthy babies, from home births to hospital births, from cesareans to natural births, from infertility to multiple births, from trying to conceive to postpartum recovery. It was frank and informative about what you might be able to expect in pregnancy and birth. It is faith-building. Despite being a large book, it is easy to read; the book is broken up into several sections with many short stories and articles within.

Cons

While it does give many anecdotes and teach many principles, this book does not go into much detail about specific, practical steps to prepare for pregnancy or birth. If you want to learn much in detail about any sort of birthing method, for example, this is not the book to read.

Who it’s for

If you are a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, this book is for you.

Childbirth Without Fear: The Principles and Practice of Natural Childbirth

Rating: 4 out of 5.

This was the first book I read when I started exploring alternatives to my last hospital experience, and as it turns out, it was a good place to start. It’s written by Dr. Dick-Read, perhaps the first big name in revolutionizing childbirth, so if you’re interested in learning more about childbirth, his name and book will probably come up. If you’re anxious about childbirth, natural or otherwise, I definitely recommend this book. It opened my mind and heart up a lot to tackling my immense phobia of birth. I daresay it is life-changing.

Pros

It’s a great introduction to the history of birth and obstetrics. I learned a lot about where various practices come from. It was a great book to help me begin to break through some of my biggest mind blocks to the idea of childbirth.

Cons

The new book cover is a major con for sure. (Thankfully, I read an older edition of the book—good thing, too! I’m not sure I would have checked out the book with its current cover.) It’s dated and sometimes slightly cringy and sexist. It’s a bit of a slower read. There is some advice in it that is unquestionably incorrect (e.g., some outdated dietary advice), and I found small parts that I morally don’t agree with. It depends a little too much on anecdotal evidence and is too light on statistics to bring some points home. (That said, as a pioneer in the field of natural birth, there wasn’t much to go off of.)

Who it’s for

If you’re scared of childbirth, and if you go in prepared for the cons, this book is for you.

Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

This might be the most popular book these days about natural childbirth in general. I read it fairly early on, and it was pretty helpful. I learned a lot from it.

Pros

It’s a pretty good introduction to natural childbirth and childbirth in general. It isn’t the most dated book out there. One major pro is that it is not specific to any particular childbirth method; this means it can apply to any you choose and can also work as a pretty good starting point as you decide your childbirth method.

Cons

Like many sources in the natural birth community, it is too attached to ideology to the point of being perhaps overly judgmental of medical birth. The entire first half of the book is just birth stories, which I wasn’t really happy to have paid for. It also just gets pretty granola, if you know what I mean.

Who it’s for

If you’re interested in learning about childbirth, this book is for you.

Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way

Rating: 4 out of 5.

I liked this book pretty well. It’s the more popular out of the two main books about the Bradley Method. With a refreshing matter-of-fact approach, the Bradley Method is all about being well educated about birth, the inherent struggle and pain thereof, and how to embrace the experience. (Disclaimer: I did not purchase this book and read it now months ago, so my memory on it is a little foggy.)

Pros

The book is actionable and realistic. You can expect lots of diagrams and actionable advice. It was a pretty easy read. And it’s a landscape-shaped book, and that’s pretty cool (unless that kind of thing bugs you). I believe it would also be a pretty good basic introduction to natural childbirth.

Cons

I remember the girls in the illustrations were wearing some really wonky clothes.

Who it’s for

If you’d like to learn about a natural childbirth method that acknowledges and embraces the pain and the tough stuff, this book is for you.

Hypnobirthing: The Mongan Method

Rating: 2.5 out of 5.

This one was perhaps my least favorite book on the topic. In fairness, I read this one last of all, so almost none of the information was new to me. If it’s the only book you read, you will probably find it more helpful. However, I don’t recommend reading it alone; this book was about the worst as far as bringing in facts, data, and statistics. Be prepared for a lot of discussion about her pet cat’s birth. (Yes, it was helpful and interesting, but it’s not necessarily the best reason to follow this book’s advice.) Despite all this, I chose hypnobirthing for my birth. This book was my childbirth class textbook. In this book, you will learn to relax your mind and let your body do its job. (It’s amazing how powerful your brain is in determining how it experiences sensations and emotions.) The book includes a few hypnosis/relaxation scripts your partner can do with you.

Pros

If you want to look into hypnobirthing, this is a good place to start. It is very helpful for learning the very basics of natural childbirth and for the ins and outs of the main hypnobirthing philosophy. It’s eye-opening and has a decent amount of actionable advice.

Cons

It’s extremely heavy on the anecdotal evidence and the philosophical push, and it’s very light on statistics, data, and cited facts. This doesn’t necessarily mean each claim is false, but it does require you approach it with a critical mind. If you aren’t ready to do some additional research on your own to find evidence for the claims, you set yourself up to fall for emotional appeals and potentially faulty conclusions.

Who it’s for

If you want to learn about a childbirth method that aims to nearly eradicate pain and are willing to do some extra research, this book is for you.

Other resources

Because they were much more minor parts of my journey, and because they have a lot of free resources for you to check out on your own, I’m not going to write full reviews about these sources. Please know that by linking them I do not endorse everything from them, but I do consider them to be helpful sources to refer to on the topic.

Bridget Taylor (YouTube channel)

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Evidence Based Birth (website)

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

What would you add?

If you’ve done any sort of research about birth (medicated or unmedicated), what sources would you point someone to to learn more? Share in the comments. I would love for this page to become a wealth of knowledge for new moms.

When Going to Church Is Hard + The Time I Was Inactive

So many people dear to my heart have, in the last couple of years, publicly or privately, announced that they are leaving the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have been made privy to at least some of their reasons.

Here is a simple breakdown of what I see as the most common reasons to stop attending church:

  • Mental/emotional health. Church is too stressful or anxious a place to be worth trying to attend.
  • Social. Feel completely alone at church. Feel betrayed, lonely, offended, or ostracized by members. Concerned from seeing members’ hypocrisy and mistakes. Would rather connect or reconnect with friends outside the Church.
  • Physical health. Injury, illness, or other health condition. COVID-19, anyone?
  • Family. Wanting to keep the peace at home, especially with a spouse dragging their feet.

Some of these, particularly reasons of health, are perfectly valid reasons to miss physical Church meetings for a time or even, in a few cases, indefinitely.

I believe everyone has at least one reason to leave behind the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Mine: anxiety.

This is my story of when I was inactive.

Before I get to that part, let me tell you two stories from my mission.

#1 – Discovering church anxiety—as a missionary

I had always known I had some level of anxiety, particularly social anxiety, but I had never really gotten it treated. The pressures of missionary life amped it up to an all-time high.

During church one day, just a few minutes into class, I felt myself begin to hyperventilate. The room began to spin, and I felt completely petrified. I told my companion I needed to go to the restroom. Tears were beginning to form as I hurried past everybody, hoping nobody looked me in the eye.

Upon arrival at the bathroom, I completely broke down. We ducked into the small mother’s lounge located in the restroom. My irrational mind believed I mustn’t let anybody see a missionary crying.

(At the moment I felt bad, and now I feel totally awful about commandeering the mother’s lounge! Please, nobody do that.)

My companion tried to calm me down, with little success. I stayed in there for at least a half hour, shaking, hyperventilating, crying, unable to control my mind or body.

At some point, I realized I had to do something to work off all the adrenaline, so we snuck out to go home and get a snack. After another half hour or so, we attempted to resume our normal missionary activities.

I don’t really remember what happened the rest of that day, but I remember being pretty spooked. That was the first time I remember having a full-on anxiety attack for seemingly no reason.

I think it happened a couple more times on my mission. Church and other social events were (and still are) common triggers for me. I tried to get help, but at this point, I didn’t know how to get the help I needed.

I learned how to cope, more or less, on my own. I got better at detecting the problem earlier and dealing with the adrenaline, so I don’t think it ever got to be as dramatic as that day.

#2 – Finding meaning in the challenge

At the same time I had had my first anxiety attack in church, my companion and I had been teaching two friends, whom I will call Marcus and Anabel.

Marcus was baptized but hadn’t been to church in a long time. He was a veteran, had PTSD, and, despite our insistence otherwise, worried he couldn’t bring his service dog, a very loyal and well-trained retriever. Anabel was at least very shy, and I suspect she had social anxiety like me. In short, they both were very uncomfortable being around a lot of people at once, and it was a big barrier for them coming to church.

After having invited them to church for weeks, and shortly after my own attack at church, general conference weekend came up. We planned and delivered a very prayerful message about general conference and invited them to come watch a session at the chapel with us. I felt prompted to tell them my own story about having anxiety at church and how I still continued to attend.

Marcus asked, “Why do you still keep going? It’s because you’re a missionary and you have to, right?”

“No.” I explained that, if I wanted to, I could go home anytime. I admitted that being a missionary and having the expectations that go along with it made it easier for me to go to church but that that wasn’t why I kept going.

I kept going because I had promised to God that I would. I knew that was what He wanted me to do. Even though my fears about having an attack again were valid, I knew God’s commandments and His promises were worth that risk.

Marcus and Anabel both came to the chapel that Sunday to watch general conference. There might have been a dozen others in the very sparse crowd at the chapel, and the room was darkened. I’m not sure anyone even noticed them come in, service dog and all.

I know the Holy Spirit is what truly made the biggest difference in them taking the big step of faith to come to church, but I like to believe hearing my story made some impact in lending Marcus and Anabel some faith. I hope I was a part of helping them see that it’s possible to acknowledge valid fears and to serve God anyway.

I share this second experience because it helped me gain some meaning for my challenge in attending church and because it inspires me to share this final part of my story with you.

My peak anxiety: when I was “inactive”

I was just about to graduate with my bachelor’s degree. I was an excellent student, but that didn’t mean I was perfect. My anxiety got in the way.

My last semester, I got my first F in my life when I walked out of a private voice lesson in a completely unexpected anxiety attack and couldn’t bear to show my face again for my final recital.

Church meetings were difficult for me. Sitting with my husband, I could usually make it through sacrament meeting and Sunday School, but I was increasingly unable to attend or make it all the way through Relief Society (the women’s class).

It was already a struggle when I found out I was pregnant and my world turned upside down.

(I know, I talk about it a lot, and it sounds really dramatic, but it was a serious turning point in my life.)

Between failure to keep food (or water) down due to nausea, inability to move due to fatigue, and emotional havoc due to hormones, my anxiety became overwhelming. I cried every day. It’s hard to say how much was from physical pain and how much was from my mental and emotional tornado.

Obviously, I missed nearly every Church meeting and activity for several months.

I began to pull out of the debilitating level of morning sickness around halfway through my pregnancy, and I gradually started emerging from my cave.

It must have been when I was about 5-6 months pregnant when I finally stepped into the Relief Society room. It felt like walking onto a battlefield to face an enemy I had once fought and barely escaped with my life from.

I sat down and waited for the room to fill in. (It’s always best to arrive early to claim a seat and let others fill in the space rather than show up and have to impose myself on existing groups.)

One sister sat next to me. I immediately recognized her as a gal who lived in my apartment building; we had met and spoken at a mutual friend’s apartment several months back, and since then, we had even communicated in the comments within the ward Facebook page. I gave her a small smile in greeting and hoped she wouldn’t want to talk. Or maybe that she would but that it wouldn’t be too draining.

She was all energy. She smiled at me. “Hi, I’m Trisha!” (Not her real name.) “Are you new?”

Ah. She didn’t remember me. I wished I hadn’t come.

I tried to inject some positivity and friendliness into my voice—but also kind of hoped my answer would end the conversation. “No, I’ve lived here for over a year. I just haven’t been to Relief Society since probably January.”

She froze. I can’t promise I know exactly what happened in her head, but I’m pretty sure it went something like this.

I’m talking to an inactive member who has finally come back to church. How do I not screw this up? The next thing I say will determine her entire salvation. I have one chance at this.

She looked me in the eye and gave me a look that I know was meant to express sincere love but made me feel like some ugly mutt breed of puppy with a broken leg stuck under a rock.

“Well, we are so happy you’re here.”

We? Who is we? Her response felt anything but genuine—and it definitely didn’t leave much room for any kind of natural response.

Thankfully, the conversation was over and class began. She didn’t say anything else to me—that day or ever, to my memory.

That was the only conversation I remember having with anyone that day at church. I went home pensive and confused.

A couple of things dawned on me.

First, I had taken on the label of “inactive.”

Sure, I had asked for the sacrament to be brought to me many times, a request granted by my husband and an accommodating ministering brother. I had continued my daily prayer and scripture study (however hazy my mind), and my husband and I had continued our family home evenings.

But in the eyes of the average ward member, I had simply sent my husband to church alone for months and chosen to stay home.

Second, I was experiencing, briefly and to a certain degree, what it feels like to return to church after inactivity.

I know nobody else’s experience will be the same as mine—which was a mild one, I admit. However, I feel my experience has lent me just enough perspective to accurately make a few suggestions, both to those who are returning or struggling to attend church, as well as to those who currently actively attend.

For those returning or struggling to attend church

“Fear not, little children, for you are mine, and I have overcome the world, and you are of them that the Father hath given me;”

Doctrine and Covenants 50:41

I know what it feels like to go week after week to church and really struggle to make friends there. I know what it feels like to miss months of church, often in serious physical and internal pain, and not have anyone reach out. I know what it feels like to return to church and not feel like anyone remembers you ever existed.

During my hiatus, I was truly struggling. I would have loved any sort of help or even messages that I was remembered and missed.

Even when I returned, I still felt far from embraced by the people around me.

If I had been in a different place spiritually at that time, this experience might have led to me fully giving up on Church life.

However, it’s during these times of difficulty during which we must cling to the reasons to stay. And while some may have social, family, or other reasons to attend church, eventually, the reason to stay will have to be the most important one of all:

Your reason has to be spiritual.

Anchor yourself to your faith in God. Anchor yourself to Jesus Christ and building your relationship with Him. Pray for the strength and vision to come and keep coming.

If you struggle keeping God at the center of your worship, or if church is still hard for you anyway, may I suggest a few tips.

Tip #1

Remember, this isn’t just church, or the Mormon Church, or the LDS Church. This is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

It helps me to remember that He established His Church for me, as an imperfect but striving Latter-day Saint, and my worship is for Him. While I hope and strive for fellowship and connection with my fellow Saints, I am there for Him first. (“The Correct Name of the Church”, President Nelson, October 2018)

You might worry that others won’t accept you, but the only person whose acceptance matters is your Savior’s. He always has a seat, an ear, and a kind word for you. He sees your sacrifice to be there and will accept your offering of gratitude, love, and worship to Him.

Tip #2

I know it might feel awkward, but consider reaching out and asking for the help you need or want.

The Church is full of people who don’t know what they’re doing, and often, they’re just as lonely as you. They might feel like they would be bothering you if they reached out. If you want connection and help, try to talk to your ministering brothers or sisters, contact your Relief Society or Elders’ Quorum president, or reach out to your bishop. Even if you don’t know them, you might be surprised how much they may want to help you.

It’s possible they won’t do a good job, but they are probably trying.

Tip #3

Focus outward instead of inward. Look for someone to welcome and serve.

This story from Sister Oscarson, former Young Women General President, has long resided in my mind:

Occasionally our children would ask us the question, “Why do I have to go to Mutual? I just don’t get very much out of it.”

If I was having a good parenting moment, I would reply, “What makes you think you go to Mutual because of what you get out of it?’

…I can guarantee that there will always be someone at every Church meeting you attend who is lonely, who is going through challenges and needs a friend, or who feels like he or she doesn’t belong. You have something important to contribute to every meeting or activity, and the Lord desires for you to look around at your peers and then minister as He would.

“The Needs Before Us,” Sister Oscarson, October 2017 (emphasis added)

It is as I have prayed to know whom and how to serve that I have found the greatest sense of belonging at church. It is when I became the one to help others, even in my moments of loneliness and struggles, that I found friendship and meaning.

Tip #4

Don’t give up! If you miss an hour, a week, a month, or a year, you get another chance to start over every single Sunday.

“… our destiny is not determined by the number of times we stumble but by the number of times we rise up, dust ourselves off, and move forward.”

“You Can Do It Now!”, Elder Uchtdorf, October 2013

Jesus Christ’s sacrifice was for you personally, despite and because of your imperfections. It’s never too late to come back to take the sacrament. 

Tip #5

Turn to God for help. Pray for Him to give you strength to overcome. Seek personal revelation to know what else you should do to make worship possible or easier.

I testify of His interest in you and your situation. He wants you to come back to Him, and He will always make it possible. If you ask Him, He will help you.

For active members

I don’t blame Trisha for what she said or did. I’m not offended by her admittedly awkward attempt to make me feel welcome.

I think a lot of members would have done the same thing with good intentions.

That said, here is a list of tips for members who are active who want to know how they can help people maintain or return to activity in the Church:

Tip #1

Minister to those you are assigned to. Get to know them. Even if they seem like they don’t need anything, make sure you know who they are, make sure they know who you are, and frequently offer to do specific things with or for them.

Even if it’s been months or years since you got the assignment, reach out anyway! It might feel awkward, but you will be blessed for it. 

Tip #2

Focus on creating and strengthening loving, sincere relationships.

Welcome everybody at church, especially new faces and those you haven’t seen in awhile. Try to get to know those you sit by and serve with at Church.

Reach out to others in your ward boundaries, members or not, active or not. Pray for charity, help to see others as God sees them, the ability to know how to best serve them, and for God to bless them.

I know this can be hard! I struggle meeting new people. It’s not comfortable, and I’m not good at it. However, I trust that God will bless me for my efforts and maybe even let me be a part of Him blessing others, too.

Tip #3

When it seems somebody rejects you or your invitations, don’t give up on them! Continue to be their genuine friend anyway.

Even if it doesn’t lead to them coming to church, don’t stop being their friend! Don’t be annoying, but don’t give up on them, either. People will see you as fake if you only want to be their friend if they come to church.

No matter who you are

“…if you have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?
“Behold, I say unto you, that the good shepherd doth call you; yea, and in his one name he doth call you, which is the name of christ; and if ye will not hearken unto the voice of the good shepherd, to the name by which ye are called, behold, ye are not the sheep of the good shepherd.”

Alma 5:26, 38

I testify that God wants you at church. Jesus invites you to join and stay with the fold. Whether or not you feel needed or wanted by anyone else, He wants you there.

I testify that church is a wonderful opportunity to worship Him and feel His love and guidance. You will feel the difference if you make the sacrifice to go. 

I testify that you have something important to offer to building up His kingdom. There is someone who needs your testimony, service, love, and example, whether you know it or not.

In case you haven’t heard it before, I’ll be the one to say: Please come, please stay, please come back.

Additional study

Share

Tell us in the comments: When was a time when going to church was hard for you? Are you in that time right now? What advice do you have for others?

The Right Time to Have Another Kid + Why I’m Pregnant AGAIN

The Right Time to Have Kids: Part II

First of all, please know this is seriously none of your business. Please don’t go asking pregnant ladies why they are (or are not!) pregnant, and please don’t ask me to elaborate more than I choose to here.

Why I’m pregnant again

After my last pregnancy, I didn’t know I could ever go through it again. (The Truth About Pregnancy) Surely, I wouldn’t be able to until we were financially stable enough to hire a full-time nanny, at least. The way my last pregnancy went, there is no way I would be able to take care of a baby on the outside at the same time I grew another on the inside.

My heart was (and still is!) set on adopting and/or fostering—and not on doing the whole childbearing thing again.

But God had other plans.

God began to tell me I needed to get pregnant again when my baby was perhaps just under a year old. When I heard His strong suggestions, I wasn’t anxious. I was downright terrified.

I didn’t know if this pregnancy would be any better (or worse) than the last. The way my last one went, I didn’t know how I would be able to take care of myself, let alone my 1-year-old.

What I do know is God. I know He told us we need to do this. His voice was firm.

When I pleaded if I could just wait a little longer, I heard Him tell me, “You can, but you will regret it.”

I lay my body, my life, my everything at the Lord’s feet to do His will.

My pregnancy started out practically the same as the last. For about a month, my life came to a screeching halt. I canceled or delegated out practically all of my responsibilities, and I scheduled out angel babysitters and family members to care for my baby because I was incapable.

By the grace of God, I have since been blessed with wonderful gifts from friends, technological advances, and medical personnel that have reduced my symptoms to a much more manageable level. While I still have bad days, I can mostly take care of myself, my child, and a good chunk of my other responsibilities.

I am grateful God has seen fit to grant me a (so far!) easier pregnancy than I had dared hope for.

Couples: take courage

As much as I wanted to wait as long as possible (read: through the Resurrection) to get pregnant again, I felt God pushing me in another direction.

At risk of sounding dramatic and revealing my life as charmed, I think I can say this is the biggest test of faith I’ve ever faced.

If you’re married and wondering if it’s time to start (or continue) having kids, first and foremost I declare: it’s between you, your spouse, and the Lord.

But you’re here, so I assume that means you want my two cents.

I suggest that, as a society, we would do well to consider the choice to have children as more than just a personal choice; instead, I propose we also consider this process a holy council. This council includes coming with questions to the Lord and being ready to listen to His advice. May we consider our willingness to “[yield] to the enticings of the Holy Spirit.” (Mosiah 3:19)

For more on how to make this decision, please check out the part 1 of this mini-series: “The Right Time to Have Kids”.

Yielding to what we hear from the Holy Ghost might feel uncomfortable, disappointing, or scary—especially when the counsel we hear does not align with our desires. I’ve been there. Hearing stories of faith have lent me courage in making this decision.

Stories of faith and courage

This story and subsequent guidance from Elder Rasband lends me courage, and may bolster your faith if you are in a similar trial of faith. One of their newly-married children once approached them and asked the following question:

“Is it still safe and wise to bring children into this seemingly wicked and frightening world we live in?”

Elder Rasband continues:

“Now, that was an important question for a mom and dad to consider with their dear married children. We could hear the fear in their voices and feel the fear in their hearts. Our answer to them was a firm ‘Yes, it’s more than OK,’ as we shared fundamental gospel teachings and our own heartfelt impressions and life experiences. …

“Take heart, brothers and sisters. Yes, we live in perilous times, but as we stay on the covenant path, we need not fear. I bless you that as you do so, you will not be troubled by the times in which we live or the troubles that come your way. I bless you to choose to stand in holy places and be not moved. I bless you to believe in the promises of Jesus Christ, that He lives and that He is watching over us, caring for us and standing by us. In the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, amen.”

Elder Rasband, October 2019 general conference

In his talk from the last general conference, “The Personal Journey of a Child of God”, Elder Andersen presents stories from multiple brave people of faith. I heard this talk while I was still dealing with the full force of my “morning” sickness without much aid. 

I felt an instant connection with the sweet Laing family, who had their own challenging experiences with childbearing but still had four children! Even though they were content to be done having children, they listened to the Spirit telling them they weren’t done. They had not one but two more children.

What an inspiration to families who think they cannot possibly have another child.

(Even though I had already chosen to follow the Lord’s council and was already pregnant, they still inspired me to continue working on this piece. I’ve been working on it for three months now.)

This all said, I don’t know if God will ask me or if I will have the faith to have another kid after this. I’m happy to not know for now—so please don’t ask!

Aside: a word about appropriate boundaries

In my experience, when you get married, most people want to know when you’re going to have a child. A good number of them are bold enough to ask.

Please don’t ask. They may volunteer the information if they so desire.

I pretty much expected this when I got married.

What I didn’t expect was that practically as soon as I came home with my first baby, people also wanted to know when I was going to have another child, and an even bigger number of them were bold enough to ask.

Please don’t ask. They may volunteer the information if they so desire.

I was surprised and a little hurt by this experience—especially considering the hellish pregnancy and traumatizing birth and postpartum experience I had just escaped.

I tried to bite back mean-spirited retorts and play it off, saying something honest but conversation-ending, like, “Oh, I think we’re ready to start working on adoption once we’ve got the money.”

Family: a matter of faith

I know for a lot of people, childbearing and baby-tending are deep, strong desires. Many women describe “baby hunger,” a phrase I neither particularly like nor relate to.

Don’t get me wrong; I love my baby girl. I enjoy being around kids. I just haven’t personally experienced a personal desire to have babies. Instead, the experience of embracing motherhood has, for me, been a largely faith-driven process.

For this second baby, I had exactly zero personal desire to get pregnant again.

But I know God too well to not listen when He guides.

I know that He always takes me in the right direction. It’s almost never the fun or easy direction, but I can always look back and know it was right.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.”

Proverbs 3:5

May we not neglect to exercise faith in this critical part of life’s journey, having children. Certainly, God grants us agency and, often, the peace of knowing that our choice is a good one; however, in making this decision, we must have faith.

I have faith in personal revelation, in my experiences following the Lord’s commands, and in His holy scriptures—which teach over and over again that having children is both a commandment and a blessing to the righteous. (Gen 1:28, Ps 127:3)

I don’t understand perfectly now, but I have faith that God’s plan for me as a mother is central to who I am and must become.

With my imperfect knowledge and incomplete testimony, I testify of God’s love for you, of the compassion of His commands, and of the reality that He always keeps His promises. I testify that He loves families. I testify that He does not call perfect people to be perfect parents and that He understands that it will be a sacrifice. I testify that He will not lead you astray in this or any decision.

In the name of our everlasting Lord, Jesus Christ, amen.

Additional study

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

Guide to the Scriptures: Birth Control

Your experience

If you have children, what has been your experience in making that decision? No matter who you are, what are your experiences in following God’s counsel? Comment below.

No Calling vs. Hard Calling: Message to Those Wanting More (or Less!) Calling

A year and a half.

That’s how long I went without a calling.

For much of this time, I felt unneeded, unwanted, and out of place. I so much desired to share and to serve, but I thought God didn’t want to use me.

If I’m being honest, it really all turned out for the best; for much of that time, I was deathly ill while pregnant, then recovering through a long and awful postpartum journey. Now I see that I would have been of little service to anyone and God actually knew what He was doing. (Shocker, I know.)

More than anything, I think He taught me that His work doesn’t always look the way we think it will.

To my foolishness, however, I still prayed and hoped for a chance to have a “real” calling!

Right as I finished up the bulk of my postpartum journey, my husband graduated from college, we moved away, and we began attending a Spanish ward.

A couple months ago, and just a few months after moving in, I was called to serve as the president of the Young Women.

Yikes.

When I told a friend about how overwhelmed I felt, she smiled and said, “You said you wanted a calling!”

She was right. I asked for it.

And God likes to give us what we ask for!

Whatsoever ye ask the Father in my name it shall be given unto you, that is expedient for you;

Doctrine & Covenants 88:64

From the last couple years, I have some takeaways for people in either of these circumstances:

  • People with no calling. (I will also include people who have a calling that they feel doesn’t meet their desire to share, grow, and learn.)
  • People who’ve been called to a calling that seems overwhelming or impossible. (If this hasn’t happened to you yet, it probably will soon.)

Let’s get into it.

An aside: If you don’t know what the word “calling” means, no worries. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, almost every member of the Church has or will at some point receive a calling. They are special volunteer jobs or assignments to which a person is called by God to do a certain task, such as to teach Sunday school classes or to play the piano. Typically, the bishop (leader) of the ward (congregation) prays to know who to ask to take a certain calling, gets an answer from the Lord, then privately asks that member to receive the calling. If they accept, they will receive a special blessing, called a setting apart, to have divine assistance in fulfilling the calling.

Part 1: Not enough calling

You might think I’m crazy, but while I didn’t have a calling, I desperately prayed for one. For a year and a half, God didn’t give me one; instead, He taught me a couple lessons. Here are the cheat codes so you don’t have to take as long as I did figuring this out. You’re welcome.

Magnify your assignment

While bishops are encouraged to give every member a calling if possible, Relief Society and Elders’ Quorum presidencies must give every adult member of the Church a ministering assignment. Even youth should now have assignments as well. (If you do not yet have one, talk with your Elder’s Quorum or Relief Society presidency.)

After some time of bitter feelings every time I heard the phrase “magnify your calling” (Magnify Your Calling, Gordon B. Hinckley), I felt the Lord tell me something else:

I can magnify my assignment!

I started to truly understand how to lift where I stood and to magnify and even enjoy my assignment as a ministering sister. (To learn more about that story and how to get started ministering, visit Ministering Despite Anxiety: How to Start Ministering.)

I encourage you to study the doctrine of ministering like the Savior does as you try to follow Him in ministering to those to whom you are assigned. Surely, at least one will need your help—and perhaps you will need them, too.

My husband and I received another assignment as well, a short-term assignment to facilitate a self-reliance class for the stake, “Find a Better Job.” We worked together to get to know our group; we felt that we were able to love and serve them as they did the same for us. It was much more of a spiritually-strengthening and even joyful experience than I had anticipated.

Plus, because of the principles we were practicing, my husband used the strategies each week to land several job interviews and eventually a good job to begin upon graduation just a few weeks later.

Another assignment we did get and that you might get is to speak in church. Although I have social anxiety, I find speaking in church a very enjoyable experience, at least for the week leading up to it while I focus my study deeply in just one area of the gospel.

It’s possible that you won’t receive another assignment besides ministering. Either way, you can rejoice in your assignment and prove to the Lord that you will take this job seriously to bring Him glory.

You don’t need a calling or assignment in order to serve God

These words from Jesus Christ, along with prayer and the Holy Spirit, changed my outlook entirely:

“For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.

“Verily I say, men [and women] should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;

“For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward.

“But he [or she] that doeth not anything until he is commanded, and receiveth a commandment with doubtful heart, and keepeth it with slothfulness, the same is damned.”

Doctrine & Covenants 58:26–29

Did you hear that?

We can’t wait around until God tells us exactly how we are supposed to do His work. You don’t need a specific calling to do the work!

But you still want one, you say?

Well guess what?

You also get your own calling!

The Lord says:

“…if ye have desires to serve God ye are called to the work;”

Doctrine & Covenants 4:3

Boom! There you go! If you want to serve God, you have a calling.

(If you don’t want to serve God, I don’t really know why you’re reading this, but I’m happy you’re here! I recommend studying His Word and praying to understand His love for you and why you should want to serve Him.)

But what is “the work” you are called to?

Don’t let the vagueness of the phrase overwhelm you. According to the Come, Follow Me Manual for Young Women and Aaronic Priesthood, the work is defined as such:

“God invites all to come unto Christ and assist in His work by 1) living the gospel of Jesus Christ, 2) caring for those in need, 3) inviting all to receive the gospel, and 4) uniting families for eternity.” (numbers added)

The good news: This is kind of a choose-your-own-adventure moment! You have four main areas to choose from, and you can get more specific from there.

The other (but also harder) good news: You’re going to have to do some extra practice learning how to receive personal revelation. (A great resource to help you out is this talk from our prophet.)

Think about which of those 4 areas most speak to you right now. Try to choose just one or two areas and/or ideas. As you consider what to pursue, you might want to think about devoting more time to the Lord in scripture study or identifying your little missions. (We Should All Be Gospel Scholars…, On Little Missions…)

Take your choices to the Lord. Pray to know His will for you. He will either encourage you to continue in your chosen calling, or He will help you make another choice.

Make a plan for how you will fulfill your calling. Choose how and when you will achieve your own goals.

For me, this blog became my new calling. With it, I increased my daily scripture study time and intention and filled my Sunday hours with learning and sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

All Things Have Their Seasons

Just because you don’t have a calling now doesn’t mean you won’t in the future. Just because you have a busy calling today doesn’t mean you will tomorrow.

God knows what we’re ready for. I quickly learned that being pregnant and recovering from childbirth was a full-time job for me, the way it affected my mind and body. (The Truth About Pregnancy) It was not a time for other people in the ward to depend on me.

Pray to understand His timing and His will for you and your life. It is rarely what we expect or hope for, but it is what is best for us.

Part 2: Too much calling

If you think your calling is overwhelming, I’m right there with you.

The Lord called you and will help you

Here I am, a person who hadn’t had a “real” calling for a year and a half, assigned a very time-consuming calling that, to me, seemed very difficult. I’m supposed to be a leader to all the young women in the ward, but I barely have more than 5 years of adulthood under my belt myself! I hadn’t attended a family ward or been around young women since my mission—if that really even counts.

It also seemed to have come at a terrible time, too. My business was picking up, I had just gotten a promotion at the nonprofit I volunteer at, and my nanny had just quit. (Plus, I was just starting to bring life to my dreams with Spack Chats, and this calling was going to take up most of my Sunday blogging/podcasting time!… Don’t worry y’all, we’re still going. 😉 )

My calling feels very difficult a lot of the time. I feel very inadequate, unqualified, and unsure of what to do. I’ve already messed up more than once. I stress myself out about all the things to remember and do.

The funny thing is, though, that I also know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I know God put me here.

I’ve felt it as my husband has given me blessings of counsel, in which I’ve heard the Lord’s assurance and confidence. I’ve felt it as I’ve prayed to know whom to call to help me lead the Young Women; in a ward where I knew nearly no one, names on the ward list jumped out and lingered in my mind. I’ve felt it as I’ve gotten to have experiences with the youth and the leaders as we’ve had and shared critical spiritual experiences together.

I testify that God is doing a “marvelous work,” and He enlists us to help Him. Callings are one major way we help in His work. If we accept His call to “embark in the service of God,” He will strengthen us: (Doctrine & Covenants 4:1, 2)

“…for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.” (Doctrine & Covenants 84:88)

If you accept the call to do His work, the Lord will not leave you alone. He will be with you every step of the way, and He will make possible and successful what seems daunting and difficult.

Have some faith

Some people turn callings down. In fact, it’s a dirty little secret that many members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints turn down many or all callings or inform their bishop that they will only take a select list of callings.

This is shameful.

We are members of Jesus Christ’s Church! We have promised to follow Him wherever He asks us to go. We have promised to serve Him.

The exceptions

That being said, there are times when a calling recipient may need to let the bishop know about very special circumstances (for instance, health concerns that would restrict calling fulfillment, or moving away soon). If you think this may be the case, you should counsel with your bishop. You may both need to go home, pray about it, and listen for an answer before coming to a decision.

If you tell a bishop new information that makes them decide to call someone else, it doesn’t necessarily mean that that calling was incorrect or not inspired. In fact, if you present new information to the bishop that leads him to choose someone else for the calling, God probably led him to your name so that he would find out that important information.

I felt prompted to choose a certain woman from the ward list to serve as a Young Women leader, but when the bishopric reached out to her to extend the calling, they found out that she had moved. I firmly feel that I was led to her name so that the bishopric would find out about her new situation and be able to get her support in her new ward.

Don’t be ashamed if any of these situations have happened to you.

The rule

But before you get too excited, remember: everyone has special circumstances. You aren’t unique in having limitations.

The bishop probably won’t know about everything going on in your life or about all of your limitations—but the Lord will. It is between you and the Lord to determine if your special circumstances are such that you cannot accept a calling.

Each person who is asked to receive a calling has a responsibility to pray to the Lord for confirmation that this calling is truly for them. Whether you feel apprehensive about taking the calling at first or if you accept immediately, it will serve you well to have a personal witness and testimony that the calling has come straight from the Lord.

I am concerned that we, as a whole, as members of the Church, more often turn down a calling for reasons of personal preference, fear, or pride instead of special circumstances.

Where is our faith?

We are God’s chosen people, saved for these latter days! But each of us gets to decide what we will do personally.

Will we be like Nephi? Who accepted the Lord’s call to build a boat, even though we had no tools or knowledge to do so? (1 Nephi 18)

Will we be like Joseph? Called to be a prophet, even though he had never seen one before or had any real training or abilities? (Joseph Smith History)

Or are we like the young rich man? Called to sell all that He had to follow Jesus, after keeping the commandments his whole life, but did not accept the call? (Matthew 19)

No matter your calling: drop the pride, catch the vision

You are more than the calling you do or don’t have. We mustn’t let our pride get in the way of doing God’s work.

If you turn down a calling because you don’t want it, you’re putting your pride before your discipleship to Jesus Christ.

If you only do your calling halfheartedly or to the bare minimum because you don’t think it’s an “important” calling, you’re allowing your pride to get in the way of your own growth and the blessing of others.

If you are proud of how “important” your calling is, your pride is getting in the way of doing Christ’s work out of love, which will hurt yourself and those around you.

Catch the vision. Your calling (or lack thereof) is about so much more than yourself.

It’s about all the people around you and bringing about the salvation and exaltation of our brothers and sisters.

It’s about the Lord Jesus Christ, honoring and following him back to our Heavenly Parents.

Join the chat

What situation are you in, with Church callings? What encouragement or advice would you add to others?

Tell us in the comments below—or tell us in our new community on MeWe, “Doctrinal Discussions for Christian Women (LDS)“.

We Should All Be Gospel Scholars + How to Build a Scripture Study Plan for 2021

God has big plans and great intentions for each member of His Church.

In this Church, we are promised more blessings than we can find anywhere else; it is only natural that it is also a Church where we are asked to do much. This is definitely not an only-on-Sundays Church or something you can just do. Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ means taking on a challenging lifestyle and struggling to allow Christ to make us into new beings.

Sometimes, it feels like He asks a lot of us!

We’re supposed to keep a strict health regimen, stay virgins until we’re married, and even give up 10% of our income.

We’re supposed to go to church on Sundays, take time on whatever calling we’re given, attend the temple regularly, watch 8-10 hours of general conference twice a year, and hold family home evening activities every week.

Despite all of these things, it’s that scripture study that gets really overwhelming for me.

We are supposed to, at minimum:

We have also been invited to:

  • Study general conference talks throughout the year.
  • Study about the promises to the house of Israel.
  • Read everything about the Savior and that the Savior said in all the standard works.
  • Review the proclamations from the Church.
  • Read Saints.
  • Read the Bible.
  • Read your patriarchal blessing.
  • Read any additional readings assigned by your youth leaders, relief society/elders’ quorum leaders, bishopric, or stake leaders.
  • Read any additional content as prompted by the Spirit.

This is a freak ton of reading.

How on earth can any one person living a normal life possibly read all of these things!?

Don’t panic: We don’t have to do all of these things at once.

There may be days or seasons in your life when you can only hang on by that minimum few verses a day in the Book of Mormon.

But before you take a total sigh of relief, what I’m about to say is probably not easy to hear. It wasn’t for me, when I heard it for the first time from the Lord:

God wants us to become scholars of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

He doesn’t need us to have every verse memorized or be ready to Bible bash to prove a point in an argument.

He needs us to know this content deeply so that it changes us.

Catch the vision

Knowledge is power, and God wishes to grant His power in full force upon His people.

“And it came to pass that I, Nephi, beheld the power of the Lamb of God, that it descended upon the saints of the church of the Lamb, and upon the covenant people of the Lord, who were scattered upon all the face of the earth; and they were armed with righteousness and with the power of God in great glory.”

1 Nephi 14:14

I remember a mentor once saying something to the effect of the following: “Oh, of course [Sister]’s Relief Society lesson was great. She is such a gospel scholar. She just understands the scriptures so well. I’ll never be able to know the gospel as well as her.”

She continued, “When I read the scriptures, it usually just goes over my head. I’ve read the Book of Mormon lots of times, but I don’t know if I know it really well. And I just haven’t read the Bible so much either.”

I was surprised and saddened by the idea. This mentor had been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ for more than 40 years, her whole life!

Granted, I’m sure my mentor was talking down her knowledge and abilities in an excess of humility. I’m sure she knows a lot more than she gives herself credit for.

The conversation led me to conduct some introspective evaluation and intent prayer. How well should I know the scriptures? How should I be studying the Word of the Lord?

I felt the Lord answer my prayer, and I started to catch the vision:

We are supposed to be as fully immersed in the doctrine and teachings of Jesus Christ as much as our lives permit—and if our lives don’t make much room for those things, we probably need to reevaluate our lives and make changes, sometimes big changes.

As a Church, I feel that we have begun to move toward the vision with the introduction of Come, Follow Me, but let’s take it further than the bare minimum.

Can you see what that would look like if we all tried to maximize our time in studying the scriptures?

Do you see the vision of the stay-at-home parent listening to general conference talks instead of podcasts while they clean? Do you see the young man or young woman picking up their phone to read the Bible instead of open Snapchat when they’re bored? Do you see the empty nester reading the Liahona as they eat instead of watching television?

I confess I am not anywhere near this vision right now. I need your help to achieve it.

Help me see what it looks like. I need your example to know how to become a gospel scholar.

Why become a gospel scholar?

There will always be people who know more than us in some areas, or even all areas, of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Becoming a gospel scholar is not the main goal, however. (“Conversion Is Our Goal,” Come, Follow Me—For Individuals and Families)

Rather, I believe it is a state of increasing knowledge that highly correlates with becoming the most righteous and faithful follower of Jesus Christ we can become in this life—and will eventually become in the next life.

Granted, there are some who may become very righteous and faithful followers of Jesus Christ in spite of little access to the written words of Christ and His prophets. Such a disciple will also increase in knowledge about Christ, but most likely at a much slower rate and with greater exertion, because they will need to learn more strictly through personal revelation from God.

Thankfully, in this era, we have been blessed with much easier access to God’s word. The Gospel Library app includes an immense amount of information to learn from.

Of course, along with this access to existing scripture, we are also to employ prayer and seek personal revelation from the Lord, but we have a much quicker path to knowledge. Most of the time for most people, the Spirit only gives confirmation or denial, yes or no answers. To learn truth, it is extremely helpful to come to the Lord with something to confirm, rather than ask for specific detail.

This is not because of God’s unwillingness to give more complex answers, as He is eager to answer us; rather, I feel that it has more to do with our limited capacity to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit, which is a skill that comes gradually with frequent practice.

How to start becoming a gospel scholar

Becoming a gospel scholar doesn’t have to mean that you don’t do anything besides recite scripture and read the Joseph Smith Papers all day.

You can still have other hobbies, watch television, and do personal activities.

But hear me out: I suggest a couple two things we need to stop ruling out entirely.

a) Don’t rule out cutting back on hobbies or television—or even cutting them out of your life, if prompted by the Spirit, and

b) Don’t rule out having a 1-, 2-, or 3-hour scripture study.

We usually talk about scripture studies over 30 minutes (or even over 10 minutes) as unreasonable, unrealistic, or only for old people who live alone.

But why? We should be maximizing our time with the Lord, and I believe nearly all of us have the time and energy to increase our time in the Word of the Lord if we make room and listen to the Spirit.

We live in a paradoxical world; we are time-poor, but we spend more time on entertainment than ever before. Think about the amount of time we spend consuming media. Muster the courage to look at your Screen Time data. Think about your yearly report from Spotify and the number of hours you spent listening to music or podcasts. Look through your Netflix history.

Now think about how long your scripture study usually is.

Can you replace even a fraction of that time with listening to general conference talks or reading the scriptures?

I know girls (and grown women) who have planned on their future spouse being their spiritual rock because he will have served a mission and had 2 years of 2+ hours of scripture study a day.

But what if she became her own spiritual rock? What if she decided to dedicate 2 hours (or even just 1 hour) to daily scripture study and come to know the Lord on her own?

Imagine if we all took the personal responsibility to become a gospel scholar!

Do you see the vision? Do you see what kind of a people the Lord is raising up in these last days?

Everyone a gospel scholar? Is this reasonable?

“…it is not reasonable that such a being as a Christ shall come…”

Foolish people speaking in Helaman 16:18

For most members of the Church, I believe that becoming a gospel scholar can be a reasonable goal—at least, increasing our time with and commitment to the scriptures is something attainable and necessary. I concede that most people don’t need to spend several hours a day fully immersed in the scriptures.

For me, my best scripture studies happen after 45-60 minutes of reading, praying, and writing, and they end with the Spirit telling me what I should do now with the rest of my day to live what I learned. I usually fill in my planner with things I am personally prompted to do: fulfill my Church calling, plan extra time for work, reach out to an old friend, practice music, or just to schedule a walk with my husband and baby. Personally, when I start passing 60 minutes of study, usually I begin to feel inspired to put down my scriptures and “go and do.”

I believe the Lord needs us to give Him some of our time to work with. He has big plans for us, but if we don’t give Him the time of day, we limit what He can do (while still respecting our agency).

No, you might not be able to live a “normal” life if you spend more time studying, pondering, and praying over the scriptures. You might need to get up earlier or cut out some activities from your life to be able to devote this increased time to the Lord.

But we aren’t called to be normal by the world’s standards. We are called to be a “peculiar people.” (1 Peter 2:9)

So how do we choose how long to spend in the scriptures?

You should, as guided by the Spirit, maximize your time in the teachings of Jesus Christ.

Building a balanced schedule of scripture study

I believe in choosing a schedule and a study plan, but also being ready to change it as needed and prompted by the Spirit.

If you’re like me, you might feel a little overwhelmed by the idea of maintaining the great study we practiced last year in the Book of Mormon while adding on the study of the Doctrine & Covenants, as outlined in the Come, Follow Me—For Individuals and Families manual.

You should pray to know how you need to go about this! Here are some ideas, however:

Book of MormonDoctrine & CovenantsAdditional Study
Individual • Read quickly (e.g., 5-10 pages/day)
• Read slowly (e.g., 1 chapter/week)
• Find and record all blessings promised to the House of Israel
• Ponderize a verse/day		• Read all the cross references as you go along
• Write down one thing you learned/day in your CFM manual
• Find and record all blessings promised to the House of Israel		• Listen to/watch talks as you drive, clean, etc.
• Read Saints like a novel
• Study a topic/week across Gospel Library
• Study your patriarchal blessing weekly
• Memorize the proclamations
• Read the Old or New Testament from the beginning
Family• Read a few verses together/day
• Share verses and why you like them in a group chat
• Read and discuss a chapter together on Sundays		• Read a few verses together/day
• Choose and share a story from the D&C, its context, and message family home evening
• Read and discuss a whole section together on Sundays		• Teach family home evening lessons about a topic/week from For the Strength of Youth
• Sing and memorize hymns as a family
• Memorize the Articles of Faith with your kids
• Use the Circles app to share spiritual videos and thoughts
• Watch and discuss talks together as a family/week

Feel free to choose one or more of these suggestions to start building your 2021 scripture study plan, or just use these ideas to inspire you to think of your own choices.

Remember, you don’t have to pick something from every intersection. I recommend using what’s called the “step-up” method.

Think about what you are doing right now. If you are struggling to do any scripture study whatsoever, I recommend just starting by choosing one square to get you started (ideally from the Book of Mormon column). If you are doing personal scripture study but struggle to do family study, try to choose an item from the individual row and from the family row.

Or, if you’re really rocking your studies, pray to decide if you’re ready to up the challenge and pick something from 4, 5, or even 6 of these areas.

The bottom line: Don’t bite off more than you can chew, and don’t think you need to pick something from every single one of these squares.

Start smaller, then come back for more when you’re ready.

As always, pray and ask for discernment and guidance to know exactly how God wants you to choose to learn His Word. I am confident He will help you become the gospel scholar He wants you to become. Remember these words from Nephi:

“…[the Holy Ghost] will show unto you all things what ye should do.”

2 Nephi 32:9

Ask for His help in choosing your scripture study plan, and incorporate prayer in each of your study sessions. In this same chapter of the Book of Mormon, Nephi continues:

“But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul.”

2 Nephi 32:9

I testify that He will help you achieve your goals—or, better yet, He will use your goals to make you the person He wants you to be, whether or not you perfectly achieve your goals.

Additional resources

Share with us

How will you balance your scripture study this year? What has worked for you in the past? How do you feel about becoming a gospel scholar?

Girls (and Boys) Who Don’t Serve Missions – Yes, You CAN Marry One!

I was in high school when President Thomas S. Monson declared:

I am pleased to announce that effective immediately all worthy and able young men who have graduated from high school or its equivalent, regardless of where they live, will have the option of being recommended for missionary service beginning at the age of 18, instead of age 19. I am not suggesting that all young men will—or should—serve at this earlier age. Rather, based on individual circumstances as well as upon a determination by priesthood leaders, this option is now available.
As we have prayerfully pondered the age at which young men may begin their missionary service, we have also given consideration to the age at which a young woman might serve. Today I am pleased to announce that able, worthy young women who have the desire to serve may be recommended for missionary service beginning at age 19, instead of age 21.
We affirm that missionary work is a priesthood duty—and we encourage all young men who are worthy and who are physically able and mentally capable to respond to the call to serve. Many young women also serve, but they are not under the same mandate to serve as are the young men. We assure the young sisters of the Church, however, that they make a valuable contribution as missionaries, and we welcome their service.

Thomas S. Monson, Oct 2012 General conference

Embarrassingly, that fateful Saturday morning, my parents were on a bike ride or something together, and I was alone with my younger brothers. Even though I was the first to wake up and scrambled to get my brothers to come watch general conference, I slept in and missed the first talk and a half (including the prophet’s announcement).

Between the following talks and my Facebook feed, I quickly figured out what had happened and was very excited.

I had always really wanted to serve a mission, but I had known that waiting until I was 21 was a potential hurdle. The idea of becoming a missionary at 19 made it a pretty done-deal!

I still had to do my own searching and asking, however. I didn’t get a strong, specific answer from God about serving a mission until I was 18. I left on my mission a couple weeks after my 19th birthday, and I had an absolutely amazing, hard, fun, and holy 18 months in Fort Worth, Texas.

I appreciate everybody who encouraged me to prepare to serve a mission, to seguir adelante, to press forward to finish my mission, and to take those lessons I learned into the rest of my life. Your kind words and service, while they were not the reason I served, helped me feel extra courage and confidence.

However, ever since President Monson’s initial talk, I have heard some troubling words as well.

“I’m only marrying a returned missionary.”

Various crazy dudes

These are my two main responses to those who make such claims:

A) Please stop that nonsense. In a 2016 Face-to-Face devotional with young adults, Apostle Jeffrey R. Holland said:

“President Monson never intended for all of the young women in the Church to go on missions by dropping [the] age [to 19]. We’re very grateful for those who goo. It’s changed the face of the Church. … But we do not want anyone feeling inadequate or left out or undignified or tarnished because she did not choose to serve a mission. And we’re a little irritated with young men who say, ‘Well, I’m not going to date you because you didn’t serve a mission.’ … We do not want that kind of climate over dating or marriages. … It isn’t our place to pass a judgment.”

Jeffrey R. Holland, Mar 2016

B) Here’s the thing: some guys may think that, just because girls put “RM” on their list of requirements for a future spouse that they wrote in a Young Women class when they were 16, they can likewise make the same requirement for girls, too. After all, the women have no excuse now, because they can serve at 19!

News flash:

It’s a bad thing when girls do it, too.

There are many reasons why:

The truth about missionaries

Me on my mission

First, we have to admit it:

Missionaries are just not that great.

Don’t get me wrong; I love missionaries. I loved being a missionary. I believe missionaries have a special calling and are given special spiritual gifts and abilities to serve, bless, and reach people who need help. They are close to the Lord, and they do a great job with sharing that light with others.

But this obsession with marrying an RM is a weird form of idol worship, and it has to stop.

Many people, especially those who have never served missions, have a very rose-tinted view of missionaries. We need to take off the colored-lens glasses—particularly when we’re looking for a spouse.

Being a returned missionary does not automatically make you a more worthy spouse. RM-status does not equate to spiritual immunity in the future. It doesn’t even necessarily mean spiritual strength in the present.

Plenty of people lose faith in Christ and His Gospel after serving missions, and other missionaries may not have even had much faith to begin with.

To set a good baseline of why this is true, let’s first break down why this is the case for boys, then we’ll talk about the girls.

For ladies: about guys serving missions

I cede some ground to you; sisters, you have more right to hope to marry a returned missionary than the brethren do. However, I still propose we stop saying we will only marry an RM.

An image from my brother-in-law’s pre-mission photos

Instead, we need to figure out their heart, priorities, and past.

Reasons why a man would serve

A mission can be a good indicator of where a man’s heart is. Since men are commanded to serve a mission (as they are able and worthy), it can be a sign of obedience and love of God.

However, checking the mission box does not automatically indicate good motivation.

Some men go on missions to have exotic, exciting experiences. Others go to please their parents, who may have saved money for their boy to go. Even worse, in wealthier areas, I hear of boys who leave on a mission because their parents or grandparents promised them a car or free tuition to college if they served.

Some boys may go on a mission to meet the expectations of women. (Ladies, they hear you when you say you will only marry an RM.)

I have already discussed good reasons to serve a mission, and I still stand by the article I wrote last year about it. None of these poorer reasons are bad to motivate a guy to start preparing to serve a mission or even to leave. Hopefully, though, they begin to level up those motivations little by little.

Reasons why a man wouldn’t serve

One major reason why women shouldn’t swear off non-RMs is that there are plenty of reasons to not serve a mission that we would call “good reasons.”

For instance, someone may have only been introduced to the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ too late in life to qualify for or plan on serving a mission. They may have needed to serve in the military, care for family members, or take caution because of their health.

There are many such “good reasons.” Remember, our last two prophets didn’t serve missions!

Of course, there are “not-so-good” reasons to not serve a mission, like unworthiness or unwillingness to serve at the time.

But! We would do well to remember that we are not defined by our sins. We all have an opportunity to allow Christ to remove our shortcomings, strengthen our faith, and change our hearts.

Even if we think we know the reason a man did not serve a mission, do not immediately disqualify them for marriage!

For men: about girls serving missions

Remember, unlike men, women are under no automatic obligation to serve a mission. Guys, it is much less acceptable for you to require your future spouse to be a returned missionary! This said, you can still factor the history or lack of a mission into how you determine if a girl is right for you by looking at her heart, priorities, and past as well.

Reasons why a woman would serve

A mission can indicate where a girl’s heart lies, too. It may indicate that she loves and wishes to serve the Lord and others. This is wonderful!

Just like men, however, a woman can be motivated by “not-so-good” reasons. A lot of girls feel pressure to be the overachiever. (See “Women Can’t Do Everything”) They may hear many well-meaning mentors and friends tell them, “You seem like someone who would like to serve a mission,” so they think they need to do it.

Or worse—they might be trying to meet men’s expectations for a returned-missionary wife.

Reasons why a woman wouldn’t serve

There are many other great paths a girl might take with her young adult life.

She might want to get married young and even start having children. (Yes, this is a valid reason to not serve a mission.) Remember, marrying in the temple is a commandment, a saving ordinance, and a requirement for exaltation. A mission is none of those things.

Wedding picture of me and my husband

Other reasons to not serve a mission include being called to serve in the local singles ward and getting involved at Institute. A woman may feel a duty to share the gospel with her family and her friends at home or to support missionaries in the field. She may be prompted to progress in college or perhaps jump straight into a career.

Or, like so many young women I know, she might begin to prepare to serve a mission, but, to her disappointment, receive personal revelation from the Lord that she is needed at home.

Unfortunately, a woman might also feel prompted to serve a mission but does not go for reasons of unworthiness or unwillingness. But again, even if this is the case, this woman has equal access to Christ’s atonement and can repent and be better.

Deciding whether to date or marry somebody

I suggest that many looking-to-marries in the Church should be less picky when going on first dates. Both boys and girls often have unrealistically high expectations for beauty, wealth, or other qualifications for people they will go on one date with.

An aside: Try to give people plenty of grace, but you don’t need to say yes to every person who asks you on a date. (Some people, especially girls, should increase their cautiousness when going on a date with someone; you should not go on a date with someone who makes you feel spiritually or physically unsafe.)

I reject nearly every “absolute” requirement on any person’s list of what they’re looking for in a spouse, even if each item is a good thing. Instead, as you date, look for patterns of behavior, listen to their testimony and their heart, and get to know who they are as a person. All of this will take getting to know them personally.

Get to know the people you date. Plan dates that involve plenty of opportunity to talk and see how your date behaves in various situations.

Deciding to serve a mission

“Your Heavenly Father has known you for a very long time. You, as His son or daughter, were chosen by Him to come to earth at this precise time, to be a leader in His great work on earth.”

Russell M. Nelson, Oct 2013 general conference

My two cents: every person should prepare to serve a mission because God has a mission for every person.

This does not mean every person will serve a 18- or 24-month mission for the Lord, however!

Both men and women should ask and work for a personal answer from the Lord when deciding if and when to serve a mission. If you keep Him involved in the whole decision-making process, He will not let you make a wrong choice.

If you feel the Holy Spirit tell you to not serve a mission, this does not mean you don’t have a mission—quite the opposite.

Long before you were born, all members of the House of Israel (which includes all members of Christ’s Church) were set apart and given a unique mission and destiny.

You have been called to fulfill a divine, personal mission just for you.

This unique mission may or may not involve serving a standard 18- or 24-month mission, but that does not make it any less or more important. God wants you and your critical service to bring about His Plan for you and all of His children on the Earth.

“Before the creation of the earth, faithful women were given certain responsibilities and faithful men were foreordained to certain priesthood duties. As people prove themselves worthy, they will be given opportunities to fulfill the assignments they then received.”

Gospel Topics essay, “Foreordination”

Whether you are 12, 19, 35, or 80, you must still be preparing for and fulfilling your mission.

If you cannot now see the vision of what God wants for you and your mission, ask Him in prayer and listen to what He says. Study the scriptures and receive/study your patriarchal blessing.

A summary for singles

When it comes to choosing whom to marry, no matter who you are, don’t rule out those who didn’t serve missions. There is a good chance they are busy fulfilling more personalized and effective missions than they ever could in a formal mission field.

If “returned missionary” is an item on your list of requirements for a future spouse, you’re doing it wrong.

A summary for everyone

If your mission is the “glory days” of your life, you’re doing it wrong.

If you take your relationship with God lightly because you figure you will marry an RM who is more “spiritual” than you, you’re endangering your personal progression and any possible marriage you are blessed with.

Stop idolizing formal missions. Yes, they are wonderful and even a duty for (worthy and able) priesthood holders, but as long as we hold an improperly high view of missions, we run the risk of failing to see the mission God has placed right in front of us.

What do you think?

For those who didn’t serve missions, what do you wish others knew about you? For everybody, how are you fulfilling your life’s mission?

Voting: It’s Not the Most Important Thing About You (or Anyone Else)

“If you are voting for [candidate], unfollow me right now.”

“I can’t believe that [family member] became a [party member]. Do they even have a brain?”

“It’s official. If you’re voting for [candidate], you hate America.”

“I used to be able to understand [people of other party], but at this point, I just don’t think there’s anything we can agree on.”

“I don’t know how you can vote [candidate] and still be a member of the Church.”

“Everyone voting for [candidate] is either brainwashed or just evil.”

“I would bet my salvation that the leaders of the Church are not voting for [candidate].”

Read all of the above, dropping in your preferred candidate and party, then repeat with the opposing side.

How many of these have you heard? If it’s under half, please tell me in the comments how you live your life, because I want to know your secrets. But I would guess you have heard all or most of these lines (or at least read them in the Facebook comments).

I have heard nearly all of these statements spoken verbatim or at least in sentiment about members of not just one but both major political parties and their candidates. My own family, like many others, has members divided against one another over this election.

Let me be clear: I fully believe in being informed about candidates, their platforms, and how their policies align with the Constitution and principles of the Gospel. I believe in having political opinions and voting according to our conscience. (See “Don’t Be Afraid of the P Word – Why and How to Embrace Politics”)

I care about your political opinions, and I like hearing all sides of political issues.

But frankly, who you vote for is not the most important or interesting thing about you—or anybody else.

Your divine identity

I believe the most important thing about you is your divine identity and potential.

I would suggest that if we have said any of the things on my opening list about someone whose political views don’t align with our own, we are doing it wrong. If you honestly can’t empathize with somebody who disagrees with you, you need a divine realignment. We must keep first in our minds, hearts, and lives our divine identity that is so much more important than our political orientation. (See Elder Oaks’ talk, “Love Your Enemies”)

The following three points outline just a few other things that are much more important things to remember about yourself and other people.

1) You are a child of God.

16 The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:

17 And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.

Romans 8:16-17

You are a child of God, created by Him in His image, and He loves you. Do you treat yourself as if you are a precious child of an omnipotent, omniscient Father in Heaven? Do you treat others as if they are also His precious children?

2) You have divinely-given gender and family roles.

Gender and family roles are another piece of what I believe to be the most important things about you. We learn the following from the proclamation on the family:

“All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.”

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

Whether or not you have a family right now in this life, you are destined to fulfill a role as a man or woman, son or daughter, brother or sister, husband or wife, father or mother. 

3) God intentionally sent you here on a specific mission.

President Nelson recently gave me a bit more of a glimpse of my divine history and destiny. In September of 2019, BYU hosted a devotional for young adults with President Nelson, who invited all young adults to participate virtually around the world. His address has had a remarkable impact on me and on my understanding of my divine potential and relationship with my Heavenly Father and Savior.

He powerfully states the following:

“You are the children whom God chose to be part of His battalion during this great climax in the longstanding battle between good and evil, between truth and error. I would not be surprised if, when the veil is lifted in the next life, we learn that you actually pled with our Heavenly Father to be reserved for now. I would not be surprised to learn that, premortally, you loved the Lord so much that you promised to defend His name, and Gospel, during this world’s tumultuous winding up scenes.

“One thing is certain: You are of the house of Israel, and you have been sent here to gather God’s elect.”

President Nelson, prophet

We are here on earth to do so much more than become political activists. While our political beliefs and behaviors can enhance our ability to fulfill our divine mission on earth, they are not the only or primary thing we can do to gather Israel.

In this discourse, President Nelson also reminds us: “God loves every one of us with perfect love.” It is this love for every person around us that we must keep at the forefront as we work to complete our mission.

We can’t treat ourselves or others like our political party supersedes our divine identity or potential. We are so much more than who we vote for or the political party we subscribe to.

But also, voting does matter

Make no mistake: our actions matter. What we do in this life is part of what determines our eternal futures and identities.

Who and what you vote for does matter; we should celebrate voting as an opportunity to deliberately practice our agency. The Church always encourages its members to be politically informed and involved, including and especially in voting for candidates and policies that we best see aligned with our values.

While I still hold that somebody’s political views are not the most important thing about them, I understand that political views reflect personal behavior, religious belief, and knowledge. I claim that political behavior and beliefs reflect two things: a) your underlying actions and beliefs, and/or b) those of the people you listen to, particularly in the case of apathy toward or inaccessibility of truth.

On an individual level, we have to believe the best of intentions of all people. Of those closest to me who disagree with me politically, I seek to trust that they are attempting to allow their religious and moral compasses to direct their political views. This has never meant that we all end up on the same page, and we have to accept this.

However, speaking broadly, I am concerned that there may be those attempting to adjust their religious views to fit their political views; we should do it the other way around. We must allow our religious views to act as the mold for our political views. I claim there are political views and behaviors that simply do not provide fertile ground for your testimony; some people may remain in the Church while believing and acting a certain way, but that does not mean it is sustainable. We should never be so committed to a candidate or party that it overshadows our commitment to the Lord, His word, and His commandments.

An instagram post with the Nike logo revised to say “Just Vote”

I see many online figures repeating taglines like this: “Just vote.” I disagree. We should not just vote. I believe we must also seek knowledge from both research and from the Lord.

I have a very strong testimony of praying over my ballots. It sounds weird, but let me explain.

My weird and amazing story

When I was on my mission, my mother forwarded me my ballot. It was the first election I could participate in, and I wanted nothing to do with it. Before my mission, I was about as proudly apolitical as possible, and on my mission, I was wholly committed to the work.

However, the Church had just launched its new religious freedom campaign, including then a new website and firesides in all wards and stakes. (Religious Freedom, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) I felt urged to at least try to do my part.

After letting it sit on my desk for several days and almost ripping it up and throwing it away a few times, I opened it up and looked at the names. I didn’t recognize almost any names on the ballot.

Resignedly, I said a prayer and said something to this respect: “If you want me to do something about this, you’re going to have to tell me which ones to vote for.”

I was rather surprised when I immediately received an impression to vote for a presidential candidate of one of the major parties. I knew extremely little about this person, and what I had heard was all negative. I prayed to check one more time that that really was an impression from Him. Upon confirmation, I filled in the bubble.

I was guided to vote for a couple other candidates as well. I said a final prayer, sealed up my ballot, and mailed it off.

This last election, I have had much more opportunity to study out the candidates and the issues, which I believe I have done extensively. I still have attempted to approach my ballots with prayer and humility. This time, I have felt the Lord’s guiding hand both confirm good choices and also change my vote toward ones I had previously chosen against.

I dare you

I testify that God wishes to bless us all, and, if we allow Him, He will work through us to accomplish his work. I have learned to accept that I don’t know everything about any candidate or issue but that He does. My knowledge of the past, present, and, especially, future is extremely limited; His is complete. I must trust that He knows better than I which things must be brought to pass.

I dare you to pray with me as we complete our ballots this year. Let’s all pray to have a little more humility and faith in God’s work. (See “Change the World with a Prayer / Cambia el mundo con una oración”)

5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord

Proverbs 3:5-7

Tell us

Have you ever prayed over your ballot? Have you ever prayed to understand someone else’s political views? What happened?

Change the World with a Prayer / Cambia el mundo con una oración

This is based on of a talk I gave in church on October 18, 2020. It is included in English and Spanish.

Esto se basa en un discurso que dí en la iglesia el día 18 de octubre, 2020. Se incluye en Inglés y Español.

“Watch Ye Therefore, and Pray Always”

We were assigned to choose and speak about one talk from the recent general conference that just happened two weeks ago. It was difficult for me to choose just one conference talk because most of the addresses touched me deeply.

Because I could choose only one talk, I encourage all of you to take advantage of the opportunity to listen to the conference again, and to read each talk carefully between now and the next conference in 6 months. I have been developing this habit of frequently studying the talks from the apostles and our other leaders, and I testify that there is much more to find in each one of these addresses. I know that, in each one, God has much to say to us. As our prophet has said many times, we must follow the invitation of the father to listen to the voice of Jesus Christ when He speaks. I testify that, as this is His Church, the general conference of the Church is a time when He speaks to us.

After much study and prayer, I chose to highlight the talk from Apostle M. Russell Ballard: “Watch Ye Therefore, and Pray Always.”

He begins by speaking of the many frightening things that are happening in the world right now. As a person who suffers from anxiety, I understand much of the fear of which he speaks:

  • Violence
  • Moral denigration
  • Vandalism of religious buildings
  • Global pandemic
  • Death
  • Isolation
  • Disappointments
  • Economic challenges
  • Riots

Each of us also face our own personal fears and challenges. Surely, we live in troubling times. However, I am comforted by the following statements of hope President Ballard offers:

I think often of those of you who are suffering, worried, afraid, or feeling alone. I assure each one of you that the Lord knows you, that He is aware of your concern and anguish, and that He loves you—intimately, personally, deeply, and forever.
Each night when I pray, I ask the Lord to bless all who are burdened with grief, pain, loneliness, and sadness. I know that other Church leaders echo that same prayer. Our hearts, individually and collectively, go out to you, and our prayers go to God in your behalf.

I find it comforting to know that I have the prayers of an apostle, and other leaders called by God, on my side. I hope it’s encouraging to each of you individually to know that you have an apostle praying for you.

I already knew that prayer could calm my soul personally and lead to individual blessings, but I was grateful to also hear that prayer is the best way to change not just myself, but the world.

President Ballard tells this story of when he was visiting the eastern USA last year:

On Sunday, October 20, I spoke to a large gathering near Boston, Massachusetts. As I was speaking, I was prompted to say, “I plead with you … to pray for this country, for our leaders, for our people, and for the families that live in this great nation founded by God.”4

I also said that America and many of the nations of the earth, as in times past, are at another critical crossroads and need our prayers.

My plea was not in my prepared remarks. Those words came to me as I felt the Spirit prompt me to invite those present to pray for their country and their leaders.

This is an amazing testament to me of how guided our apostles are, and how important prayer is. Now, he now turns this plea to you:

Today I expand my call for prayer to all people from every country around the world. No matter how you pray or to whom you pray, please exercise your faith—whatever your faith may be—and pray for your country and for your national leaders. As I said last October in Massachusetts, we stand today at a major crossroads in history, and the nations of the earth are in desperate need of divine inspiration and guidance. This is not about politics or policy. This is about peace and the healing that can come to individual souls as well as to the soul of countries—their cities, towns, and villages—through the Prince of Peace and the source of all healing, the Lord Jesus Christ.

During the past few months I have had the impression come to me that the best way to help the current world situation is for all people to rely more fully upon God and to turn their hearts to Him through sincere prayer. Humbling ourselves and seeking heaven’s inspiration to endure or conquer what is before us will be our safest and surest way to move confidently forward through these troubling times.

Did you catch that?  President Ballard said the “best way to help the current world situation is for all people to rely more fully upon God and to… [pray].”

This is perhaps the most comforting thing about all of President Ballard’s address. To me, the most disheartening thing about the many problems happening in our world right now is that it seems there is little to nothing we can do about it. How can I, one woman in Utah, make things better in other parts of the country, and around the world?

Pray?

It seems so simple, but I am grateful that is the case. Prayer is something I can do! It is something we can all do. No matter our age, our profession, our popularity, or our worldly influence, we can all speak to God and come closer to Him individually.

This week, I finished the last chapter of a book titled, Seven Miracles that Saved America: Why They Matter and Why We Should Have Hope. It was a remarkably faith-bolstering book, and I highly recommend it.

The authors tell this story from the Bible that has left me pondering this week:

The eighteenth chapter of Genesis tells the story of God appearing to Abraham and sharing His intentions to destroy the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah Hearing this intent, Abraham asks God a rather pointed question. “Wilt thou also destroy the righteous with the wicked?” (v. 23).

He then starts to bargain with the Lord. “Peradventure there be fifty righteous within the city: wilt thou also destroy and not spare the place for the fifty righteous that are therein?” (v.24).

And God answers, “If I find in Sodom fifty righteous within the city, then I will spare all the place for their sakes” (v. 26).

Think about that. “I will spare all the place.” The entire city. And why? For their sakes. For the sake of the good.

Then Abraham, apparently knowing that the people in Sodom and Gomorrah were really pretty bad, rethinks his proposition. Realizing there might not actually be fifty righteous within the cities, he makes a counteroffer, asking if God wouldn’t spare the city for forty-five righteous (see v. 28).

And so they go, Abraham bargaining with God, essentially pleading on behalf of the righteous until they get down to ten. And God says, “I will not destroy it for ten’s sake” (v.32).

Surely there’s a lesson for us here. Maybe we have reached the point where we, as an entire people, are no longer worthy of God’s blessings. Are the good among us fewer than 60 percent of our population? Fewer than half? Fewer than 40 percent, or 30 percent? Is there any way to really know?

But in a sense, it may not matter quite as much as we think, for God has shown His willingness to save an entire people for the sake of the righteous, even if they are but a few.

If that is true, maybe we need not worry so much about our country and our people and whether our society has become too wicked, for surely there are a few wicked among us. Instead, maybe we need to concentrate on our lives, our own goodness, our own families. Are we one of the fifty? One of the ten? Are we, those of us who still believe, living our lives in such a way that we could convince God to save our nation if only for the few?

This story impressed me because I worry that we in the country, we in the world, are not sufficiently righteous. This story reminded me of the importance of my own prayers for this world in need. It can be very discouraging to know that as members of Christ’s Church, we are very few in the world. The number of Christians is also shrinking, and religion generally is becoming less and less popular.

I am encouraged by this story about Abraham, and I am encouraged by the words of President Ballard. From them both, I have courage to move forward doing my part, knowing that my small efforts, like praying on my own and in my family and living righteously, are making a difference in the world. It makes the difference.

Redouble your effort

At the end of President Ballard’s talk, he invites us all to “redouble [our] commitment to prayer.”

This was a bit of personal stab to the heart. A couple weeks before general conference, I was praying to ask the Lord what I lacked yet. He told me two things: 1) I needed to increase my scripture study time, and 2) I needed to pray more and pray better. I quickly learned that increasing my scripture study time was doing just as much for my prayers as it was for my study. I realized that when had a full 45 minutes planned out for scripture study, I wasn’t worried about my beginning prayer going too long and interrupting my day. Now, I know I can pray as long as I want without worrying about losing valuable time to work or be with my baby. 

So when I heard President Ballard tell me to redouble my effort to pray, I was shook! Hadn’t I already done enough? It seems there is more work to do. I am still learning what my new, redoubled commitment to prayer will look like for me, but I promise to you and to the Lord that I will do that.

If I can do it, you can too! I challenge all of you to redouble your commitment to pray. That might mean to pray twice as often. It might mean to set aside extra time to pray twice as long. It might mean to pray twice as well, by praying aloud, or praying with a list of specific blessings you need or questions you have. You could begin praying as a family if you aren’t yet, or to begin praying by yourself, if you usually forget. Or, if you are new to prayer, or if you have slipped in your habit of prayer, it might even mean to just start praying every day.

Whatever “redoubling” is for you, I testify that redoubling your commitment to prayer will change your life, your family, your ward, your country, and our world to become more full of peace, light, and love.

Speaking in church and studying the gospel

I am grateful to our bishopric for inviting us to speak today. My husband and I have had some good discussions this week about the talks we chose and other talks we were considering. It’s been a great opportunity for us to have gospel discussions and learn together. It’s also been a great experience for me to really fill my 45-minute scripture study time with purposeful, action-packed study. I’ve learned a lot more than I could ever share in church, or even here on my blog.

I hope all of you get the chance to speak in church on another talk from this conference. But even if you are not asked to speak, I invite you all to study the talks as if you were going to! Listen to all the talks over again, then read them. Take notes, and pick one to focus your study on for a few days or few weeks. (October 2020 General Conference)

I have very personal connections with current and previous bishopric members in many wards. They always speak positively about their wards, but I know how demoralized they are after trying to find people to speak in church. Social anxiety and fear of public speaking are both real and really common. I certainly identify with both of these struggles. However, I have learned to see it as a blessing when I am assigned to speak in church, and in nearly every case, I believe God guides our church leaders to the people who most need to be heard and most need to study His Word. I pray that we both have the courage and faith to say yes next time we’re asked to speak. I truly believe He will bless us for our efforts.

Get accountable

Go check out the addresses from the most recent general conference, and pick one talk to study this week. (October 2020 General Conference) Then, come back to the comments and tell us: which one did you choose and why?

“Mirad, pues, orando en todo tiempo”

Yo y mi marido fuimos asignados para elegir y hablar hoy acerca de un discurso de la conferencia general de la Iglesia que apenas ha ocurrido hace dos semanas. Me fue muy difícil escoger solo un discurso de la conferencia, porque casi todos los discursos me tocaron tanto.

Ya que solo pude dirigirme a ustedes sobre un solo discurso, les suplico que se aprovechen de la oportunidad de escuchar a la conferencia otra vez y que lean los discursos cuidadosamente entre ahora y la próxima conferencia en 6 meses. El estudiar con frequencia los discursos de los apóstoles y nuestros otros líderes es un hábito que he estado desarrollando, y testifico que hay mucho más que encontrar en esas charlas que podamos detectar la primera vez que las escuchemos. Yo sé que, en ellas, Dios tiene mucho que decirnos.

Como nuestro profeta Russell M. Nelson nos ha dicho muchas veces, debemos seguir la invitación del Padre cuando nos manda a escuchar la voz de Jesucristo cuando nos habla. Testifico que esta es la Iglesia de Cristo, y que la conferencia de Su Iglesia es una vez que nos habla.

Después de mucho estudio y oración, he decidido destacar el discurso del Apóstol M. Russell Ballard, “Velad, pues, orando en todo tiempo.”

Él empieza hablando de las cosas de miedo en el mundo ahora mismo. Como una persona que sufre de ansiedad, entiendo mucho el temor de que el habla:

  • La violencia
  • La denigracion moral
  • El vandalismo de edificios religiosos
  • La pandemia global
  • La muerte
  • El aislamiento
  • La decepcion
  • Los desafios economicos
  • Los disturbios

A pesar de todas esas cosas y mas, me da consuelo los consiguientes declaraciones que ofrece el Pdte. Ballard:

A menudo pienso en aquellos de ustedes que sufren, que están preocupados, que sienten temor o se sienten solos. Le aseguro a cada uno que el Señor los conoce, que está al tanto de sus preocupaciones y de su angustia, y que los ama, de una manera entrañable, personal, profunda y para siempre.

Cada noche, al orar, le pido al Señor que bendiga a todos los que se sienten agobiados por la aflicción, el dolor, la soledad y la tristeza. Sé que otros líderes de la Iglesia se hacen eco de esa misma oración. Nuestro corazón, individual y colectivamente, está con ustedes, y nuestras oraciones se elevan a Dios a favor de ustedes.

Me conforta saber que tengo las oraciones de un apóstol, y otros líderes llamados por Dios, de mi lado. Espero que sea alentador para cada uno de ustedes individualmente saber que tienen un apóstol orando por ustedes.

Estoy agradecida por saber que la oracion puede tranquilar nuestros propios almas cuando nos enfrentamos muchos temores y desafios, pero es mas maravilloso saber que que la oracion es la mejor manera de cambiar no solo nosotros, sino tambien el mundo.

El Pdte. Ballard cuenta esta historia de cuando estaba visitando los estados del este de los Estados Unidos el año pasado:

El domingo 20 de octubre dirigí la palabra a una gran congregación cerca de Boston, Massachusetts. Estaba hablando, cuando sentí la impresión de decir: “Les ruego […] que oren por este país, por nuestros líderes, por nuestra gente y por las familias que viven en esta gran nación fundada por Dios”.

También dije que los Estados Unidos y muchas de las naciones de la tierra, al igual que en épocas pasadas, se hallan en otra encrucijada decisiva y necesitan nuestras oraciones.

Esa súplica no estaba en las notas que yo había preparado. Esas palabras me vinieron al sentir que el Espíritu me impulsaba a invitar a los presentes a orar por su país y por sus líderes.

Me asombra escuchar este testamento muy fuerte de que nuestros apostoles son muy guidados por el espiritu, y que la gran importancia de la oracion.

Escuchen mientras ahora nos hace su súplica a todos nosotros:

Hoy extiendo mi invitación a orar a todas las personas de todos los países del mundo. No importa cómo ni a quién oren, les ruego que ejerzan su fe —cualquiera que sea su religión— y que oren por su país y por los líderes de su nación. Como dije el pasado mes de octubre en Massachusetts, nos encontramos ante una importante encrucijada en la historia, y las naciones de la tierra necesitan desesperadamente guía e inspiración divinas. Esto no se trata de política ni reglamentos, sino de la paz y la sanidad que pueden recibir las almas, tanto de las personas como de los países —sus ciudades, pueblos y aldeas— por medio del Príncipe de Paz y la fuente de toda sanidad: el Señor Jesucristo.

Durante los últimos meses he recibido la impresión de que la mejor manera de ayudar a la actual situación mundial es que todas las personas confíen más plenamente en Dios y vuelvan sus corazones a Él por medio de la oración sincera. El humillarnos y buscar la inspiración de los cielos para perseverar y conquistar lo que nos aguarda será nuestra manera más segura y fiable de avanzar con seguridad en estos tiempos difíciles.

¿Escucharon eso? ¡El Presidente Ballard dijo que la mejor manera de ayudar a la actual situación mundial es que todas las personas confíen en Dios y oren!

Esto es quizás lo mas reconfortante de todo el discurso del Presidente Ballard. Para mí, lo más desalentador de los muchos problemas que están ocurriendo en nuestro mundo en este momento es que parece que hay poco o nada que yo pueda hacer al respecto. ¿Cómo puedo yo, una mujer de Utah, mejorar las cosas en otras partes del país y en todo el mundo?

¿Hacer una oración?

Parece tan sencillo, pero !qué bendición que esto es el caso! Sí es algo simple, entonces es algo que yo puedo hacer! Es algo que todos podemos hacer. No importa nuestra edad, nuestra profesión, nuestra popularidad o nuestra influencia mundana, todos podemos hablar con Dios y acercarnos a Él individualmente.

Esta semana, terminé un libro que se llama: Siete milagros que salvó America: Porque importan y porque debemos tener esperanza. Es un libro que les recomiendo, porque de verdad me edificó mi fe.

En el último capítulo, los autores comparten esta historia de la Biblia:

El capítulo dieciocho del Génesis cuenta la historia de Dios que se le aparece a Abraham y le comparte sus intenciones de destruir las ciudades de Sodoma y Gomorra. Al escuchar esta intención, Abraham le hace a Dios una pregunta bastante directa. “¿Destruirás también al justo con el malvado?” (v. 23).

Luego comienza a negociar con el Señor. “¿destruirás también el lugar y no lo perdonarás por amor a cincuenta justos que estén dentro de él?” (v. 24).

Dios contesta: “Si hallare en Sodoma cincuenta justos dentro de la ciudad, perdonaré a todo este lugar por amor a ellos” (v. 26).

Piénsalo. “Perdonaré a todo este lugar.” Por amor a ellos. Por el bien del bien.

Entonces Abraham, aparentemente sabiendo que la gente de Sodoma y Gomorra era realmente bastante mala, reconsidera su propuesta. Al darse cuenta de que es posible que en realidad no haya cincuenta justos dentro de las ciudades, hace una contraoferta y pregunta si Dios no perdonará a la ciudad por cuarenta y cinco justos (véanse el vers. 28).

Y así van, Abraham negociando con Dios, esencialmente suplicando en nombre de los justos hasta que llegan a diez. Y Dios dice, “No la destruiré, respondió, por amor a los diez” (v. 32).

Seguramente hay una lección para nosotros aquí. Tal vez hayamos llegado al punto en que nosotros, como pueblo entero, ya no somos dignos de las bendiciones de Dios. ¿Son los buenos entre nosotros menos del 60 por ciento de nuestra población? ¿Menos de la mitad? Menos del 40 por ciento, o 30 por ciento? ¿Hay alguna forma de saberlo realmente?

Pero en cierto sentido, puede que no importe tanto como pensamos, porque Dios ha mostrado su voluntad de salvar a todo un pueblo por el bien de los justos, aunque sean unos pocos.

Si eso es cierto, tal vez no debamos preocuparnos tanto por nuestro país y nuestra gente y si nuestra sociedad se ha vuelto demasiado perversa, porque, seguramente, hay unos pocos malvados entre nosotros. En cambio, tal vez debamos concentrarnos en nuestras vidas, nuestra propia bondad, nuestras propias familias. ¿Somos uno de los cincuenta? ¿Uno de los diez? ¿Estamos, aquellos de nosotros que todavía creemos, viviendo nuestras vidas de tal manera que podamos convencer a Dios de que salve a nuestra nación aunque solo sea por unos pocos?

Esta historia me impactó mucho, porque me preocupo tanto por el estado de nuestro país y de nuestro mundo. Temo que no somos suficientemente rectos para tener la protección del Senor.

Me siento un poco como Abraham, orando por este mundo en necesidad. Puede ser muy desalentador saber que, como miembros de la Iglesia de Jesucristo, somos muy pocos en el mundo. El número de cristianos de todos sectos también se está reduciendo y la religión en general se está volviendo cada vez menos popular.

Me anima esta historia de Abraham, y me anima las palabras del Presidente Ballard. Gracias a los dos, tengo el valor de seguir adelante haciendo mi parte, sabiendo que mis esfuerzos chicos, como orar solo y como familia, y vivir rectamente, hace una diferencia en el mundo. Hace exactamente la diferencia que se necesita.

Redoblen sus esfuerzos de orar

El Pdte. Ballard concluye su discurso invitándonos a todos a redoblar nuestros esfuerzos en la oración. ¡Me sorprendió escuchar eso! De verdad, me dejó un poco estupefacta.

Es que, dos semanas antes de la conferencia, oré al Señor, preguntando: ¿qué era lo que me faltaba todavía? Dios me dijo dos cosas: Que yo necesitaba aumentar mi tiempo de estudio de las escrituras, y que necesitaba orar mejor y con más frecuencia.

Rápidamente aprendí que aumentar mi tiempo de estudio de las escrituras era tan beneficioso para mis oraciones como para mis estudios. Cuando tenía 45 minutos completos para el estudio de las escrituras, no me preocupaba que mi oración inicial fuera demasiado larga que interrumpara mi día. Ahora, yo sé que puedo orar todo el tiempo que quiera sin preocuparme por perder mi tiempo valioso de trabajar o estar con mi bebé.

Por eso, cuando escuché al Presidente Ballard decirme que redoblara mi esfuerzo por orar, ¡me asustó! ¿Ya no había hecho lo suficiente? Parece que hay más trabajo por hacer.

Todavía estoy aprendiendo cómo será para mí un nuevo y redoblado compromiso con la oración. Pero les prometo a ustedes y al Señor que lo haré.

¡Si yo puedo hacerlo, ustedes también pueden! Los desafío a todos a redoblar su compromiso de orar. Eso podría significar orar el doble de veces. Podría significar apartar tiempo extra para orar el doble de tiempo. También puede significar orar más veces al día, orando en voz alta o con una lista de bendiciones específicas que necesiten o preguntas que tengan. Usted podría comenzar a orar en familia si aún no lo ha hecho, o comenzar a orar por si mismo, si normalmente lo olvida. O, si es nuevo en la oración, o si ha perdido el hábito de la oración, incluso podría significar comenzar a orar todos los días.

Independientemente de lo que sea “redoblar” para tí, testifico que redoblar tu compromiso con la oración cambiará tu vida, tu familia, nuestro barrio, nuestro país y nuestro mundo para que se llenen más de paz, luz y amor.

Agradezco a nuestro obispado por invitarnos a hablar hoy. Matt y yo hemos tenido buenas conversaciones esta semana sobre los discursos que elegimos y otras que estábamos considerando. Ha sido una gran oportunidad para nosotros tener discusiones sobre el Evangelio y aprender juntos. También ha sido una gran experiencia para mí dar más propósito a mi estudio de las escrituras y mis oraciones. He aprendido mucho más de lo que puedo compartir hoy en un discurso, o aun en todo mi blog.

Espero que todos tengan la oportunidad de hablar en la iglesia sobre otro discurso de esta conferencia. Pero incluso si no se les pide que hablen, ¡los invito a todos a estudiar las charlas como si fueran a hacerlo!

Tengo conexiones personales con miembros de obispados, actuales y anteriores, en varios barrios. Siempre hablan de manera positiva sobre sus barrios, pero sé lo desmoralizados que están después de tratar de encontrar personas para discursar en la iglesia. La ansiedad social y el miedo a hablar en público son reales y muy comunes. Ciertamente me identifico con ambas luchas.

Sin embargo, he aprendido a verlo como una bendición cuando me asignan hablar en la iglesia y, en casi todos los casos, creo que Dios guía a los líderes de nuestra iglesia hacia las personas que más necesitan ser escuchadas y que más necesitan estudiar Su Palabra. Oro para que ambos tengamos el coraje y la fe para decir que sí la próxima vez que se nos pida hablar. Realmente creo que Él nos bendecirá por nuestros esfuerzos.

Háganse responsables

Consulte los discursos de la conferencia general más reciente y elija un discurso para estudiar esta semana. (Conferencia general de octubre 2020) Luego, vuelve a los comentarios y cuéntanos: ¿cuál elegiste y por qué?

When Has America Ever Been Great? – An Answer From a Christian Patriot

A week or two ago, a friend of mine posted on Facebook:

When has America ever been great?

I eagerly clicked to type a response in the comments, but for some reason the question made me stop and think. I knew I thought it was great, but what thing would I choose to say in a Facebook comment?

Today, I’m ready to answer:

When has America ever been great?

This isn’t about a presidential campaign; this is asking a real question.

Possible answers

I could give many answers.

For example, I’m not old enough to remember, but I’m told that, in the days following 9/11, the American people showed the unity, power, and kindness that made America great.

Or I could mention America’s role in ending WWII and the Holocaust, or finally granting women the right to vote, or the North’s victory of the Civil War and the Emancipation Proclamation.

But more than all that, I would like to point us to the reason this country was created.

My answer

My answer hinges on the Book of Mormon.

The Book of Mormon is a text of scripture and of history. It tells the story of a family who left Israel and sailed across ocean to the Americas, led by God. It tells the story of their descendants and how they waned and waxed in faith in God, as well as tells of the visitation of the Savior to the Americas. (Book of Mormon Introduction)

Dozens of times, the Lord refers to America as the “land of promise,” where, as long as they keep His commandments, they will be blessed and prosper in the land. (See 1 Nephi 13 for evidence that He is referring to the Americas)

These are just a select few excerpts:

And inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments, ye shall prosper, and shall be led to a land of promise; yea, even a land which I have prepared for you; yea, a land which is choice above all other lands.

1 Nephi 2:20 (spoken to Nephi, by the Lord)

For behold, this is a land which is choice above all other lands; wherefore he that doth possess it shall serve God or shall be swept off; for it is the everlasting decree of God. And it is not until the fulness of iniquity among the children of the land, that they are swept off.

Ether 2:10

Wherefore, I, Lehi, have obtained a promise, that inasmuchas those whom the Lord God shall bring out of the land of Jerusalem shall keep his commandments, they shall prosper upon the face of this land; and they shall be kept from all other nations, that they may possess this land unto themselves. And if it so be that they shall keep his commandments they shall be blessed upon the face of this land, and there shall be none to molest them, nor to take away the land of their inheritance; and they shall dwell safely forever.

2 Nephi 1:9 (spoken by Lehi to his sons)

America is not great just because, nor has not always been great. But whenever America remembers the Lord and keeps His commandments, it will be great because of Him.

And the greatest thing we have done in America is provide the environment for the emergence of the Book of Mormon and the blossoming of the full Restoration of His Gospel.

Clearly, God long had intended these things to happen here. 1 Nephi 13 prophesies of the story of the discovery of the Americas, of the Restoration, and of the coming forth of the Book of Mormon.

I am in awe and reverence at this statement, taken from a remarkable article from emeritus general authority Elder Callister:

“… Thomas Jefferson, one of the Founding Fathers,… made this remarkable prophecy in 1820, the same year Joseph Smith received the First Vision: “If the freedom of religion, guaranteed to us by law in theory, can ever rise in practice under the overbearing inquisition of public opinion, truth will prevail over fanaticism, and the genuine doctrines of Jesus, so long perverted by his pseudo-priests (the apostasy), will again be restored to their original purity. This reformation will advance with the other improvements of the human mind, but too late for me to witness it.”

“Jefferson died in 1826. Four years later the gospel was restored — just as he prophesied. The Founding Fathers were the divinely appointed advance guard that made this Restoration possible. How grateful we should be for their inspired contribution to our country and Church.”

Elder Tad R. Callister: The Founding Fathers — Coincidence or providence?

He said this in 1820. He died in 1826. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints was established in 1830.

Now, the Church is 16 million strong, and growing. (Church Newsroom) Its headquarters may be in Utah, but thanks to the religious liberty we enjoy in the United States of America, it has been allowed to flourish here, put down strong roots, then spread to all corners of the earth.

Never before in human history has the Church of Jesus Christ been so blessed, widespread, or strong. Never before in human history have we had such widespread access to scripture, church buildings, temples, and the words of the living prophets.

Frankly, I think the United States of America has struggled with being great (read: being blessed) in a lot of ways, especially recently. But I also have faith that, if we turn to God individually, as families, and as a nation, He will yet bless us again.

To anyone else interested in learning about God’s hand blessing America, I would like to recommend a book, Seven Miracles that Saved America. I miraculously stumbled across it in a box of books I bought off Facebook Classifieds. It has changed my view of how I see America, and it has increased my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.

In short

When has America ever been great?

When God has made us so.

What do you think?

Tell us in the comments: When do you think America has ever been great, if ever? Why?